stupid love

Infatuation clouds your head. I think it is especially difficult when you have someone avidly wooing you - saying all the right things, pulling all the right moves, etc. This is how we get tricked! You fall so hard because you have this person who is making you their world and it feels good and even if all rationality tells you that it's wrong, something inside of you convinces you that it just might be right. We'll overlook traits and characteristics that we had on our "wish lists" because the euphoria of infatuation makes those things seem so insignificant.

I was tricked with BB. I've been reading my diary from when I was dating him and I'm seeing that I was so blind. The things that I thought I loved about him weren't really him. He told me once that when he was with me, he felt like he was an actor in some romantic movie. Huh? What does that even mean? That should have been a red flag to me that he wasn't being himself with me. In my diary I wrote, "Things with BB are weird. We barely talk... I feel like our chats lack substance/quality... I want us to really become immersed in each other's lives... I just haven't been doing a great job of including him." Actually, I really had been trying to include him, but like my roommates at the time mentioned, he had no personality. Well, he did have a personality, it was just a lame one. And he was really materialistic as well, which was something that I always knew was in his nature.

When I wrote about BB in my diary, I was always saying how I hoped this, hoped that and I also mentioned how I was afraid of getting hurt. I got over BB rather quickly. He said and did a lot of things to hurt me and then seemed to forget that he did those things. I guess being bipolar will do that to you.

Roomie was somewhat tricked with um... the Egg Dropper. Yes, he dropped scrambled eggs on our floor and when she pointed it out to him, he said, "Why didn't you clean it up?" If you don't see anything wrong with that picture, I can't help you. Looking back on her relationship she can site a bazillion red flags.

Every relationship needs some re-evaluation. And I think it's always important to examine anyone's motives for a relationship. Security? Boredom? Convenience? Ideally, not good reasons to be in a relationship. You always hear the phrase "the right reasons," but what are they? We can usually pin down the wrong ones, but the "right" ones don't seem as simple to put a finger on. "Love" just seems too vague. Just because you love someone doesn't mean that you should be with them because sometimes it's not enough, especially if you don't love yourself or if you have any other looming problems or issues.

This reflection on the past is my way of checking myself in my current relationship. I need to see that this time it is different than with my past relationships. And so far, it is. I don't ever want to look back on this relationship and question the authenticity of my emotions or my assessment of J's character. If there are red flags, I don't want to ignore them. I'd want to instead address them.

It's almost midnight... I just wanted to get some of these thoughts down and to hear what anyone else has to say. I'm curious. Let me know. :)

like my heart is being ripped in two

I had a dream about my grandma last night. I was on a trip somewhere and had missed my flight so I was trying to get in contact with my grandma, but the only way I could do so was through IM. How that worked, I'm not sure, since she was illiterate and non-English speaking. It was a jarring slap in the face to wake up around 6 am and realize that she isn't alive anymore. In my dream I could feel her presence so strongly. It's been almost three years since she passed away, six years since I've seen her, and twelve years since I've heard her voice. The last time I saw her, I was in Singapore for about a week. Every day I was there, the only thing I wanted to do was to go to the nursing home where she was staying and just be close to her. At that point in her life, she couldn't speak anymore. I don't really know why. I'll never forget the moment she saw me though. She didn't know that I was going to be in Singapore, and when I showed up at her bedside her eyes lit up in surprise and disbelief. She couldn't speak to me, but I knew everything in her heart, just the same. I remember holding on to her hand and wanting to just stay like that forever.

I think this was on my mind because my cousin asked me what my grandma's favorite food was. I miss my grandma and I often wonder how different life would be if she didn't go back to Singapore when I was 13. I wish that I could have seen her one last time before she passed away. I guess the only place I really can see her now is my dreams. And though it breaks my heart when I wake up in the morning, feeling her love so closely to the point where I think she is alive, is worth it.

lunch on the outside

I went to Starbucks for lunch today and saw a man wearing a bright green suit with yellow question marks. I want to say he had yellow Crocs on as well. Anyway, I didn't really think anything of it. I thought he was doing a promo. Hahaha. Anyway, my co-worker pointed out that he does commercials for government loans or something. She's also the one that took the picture. That's my second quasi-celebrity sighting this week! Hmm... who will I see next?

channeling blue skies

I am back from Miami. Although, the skies aren't blue here, the temperature is better than it was when I left, so I'm in good spirits. I think South Becah is the only place in the United States (where I would vacation) that feels like another country, very European. It's beautiful there. From the beaches, to the buildings, to the bodies. It's almost disgusting really. It's not so much an ostentatious display of wealth, like in some places, more flaunting the body and I definitely envy the leisure and ease of the lifestyle.

There is something in the water there that makes women tall, beautiful and oozing glamour. It can be a bruise to the ego, but I think I just accepted it and observed it like the social scientist that I am. It's more than obvious that I didn't belong there.

Miami was a great getaway. We got a little, yellow Pontiac as our rental. It was highly economical even though we got jacked in our first valet experience in Miami. It was $24 to park at the Shore Club! I suppose that could be worthwhile to someone who was there for an entire day, but we were only there for dinner. *sigh* You live and learn.

I wish we took more pictures, but I didn't quite have the bronze glow that I had hoped to achieve. And I don't think we really wanted to look any more like tourists than we already felt. Ooh! We had a celebrity sighting! We decided it was not a good look to approach him during his dinner.

The beach was about half a block from the hotel. It was heavenly when the clouds weren't blocking the sun. I even went into the water a bit. It wasn't that cold. I would say definitely warmer than the beaches in San Diego at this time of year, but then again maybe living in perfect weather makes you soft. That might just be it.

I'm sorry if this blog is all over the place. I'm just in an early afternoon euphoria. I got my first facial yesterday. It didn't change my life. It was an all natural spa. I guess I'll go for the chemicals next time and to a spa that's closer to home. :)

I have a thing for Odwalla bars now. They are about $1.50 a pop, I haven't decided how I feel about that yet. I haven't tried their smoothies, though I've heard that they are pretty good. Those are really pricey.

When I got on the flight from Atlanta to DC, I realized that my traveling companion is my roommate. I had forgotten that I live with her. We rarely see each other and she'll be gone this upcoming weekend!

Yeah, so that was my weekend. Time to get back to work!

PUFF ALERT - please keep an eye on your fluffy, white pets

Coming up the escalator this morning, I saw a woman wearing a 2 foot wide puff on her head. I know it's cold, lady, but that hat is OUTRAGEOUS. I'm surprised everyone wasn't staring at her and it's not like she could tell if they were since she was under that puff. It was like she stuck a Coton de Tulear on her head and I'm NOT exaggerating. *sigh* You gotta love the things I see on my way to work.

Could I carry my camera around with me? Would people think I was rude? Ugh... the ethics.

why straight men should only have one pair of shoes in each color

On my way to work this morning, I noticed a man with two similar shoes on his feet. Though they were both black and loafer-style, they were not a match. One had a really high base with an arch and the other was more flat. I thought that my eyes were deceiving me, but when we came to his metro stop, I observed him walking a bit lopsided.

the disadvantage of youth

Typically, I don't mind being thought of as young. Call me cute, give me advice, that's all fine, however, being the rebel that I am, I HATE being told what to do, especially when I feel like the person doesn't have any place to do so.

So, there I am, sitting on the metro. As we pull into my stop, I say to the woman who is reading next to me, "This is my stop." I thought that was perfectly acceptable. I have never found it rude when people have said it to me. I think on the metro, "This is my stop" is understood to mean, "Could you please move aside, so that I may exit?"

Anyway, the woman slowly gathers up her things and says, "Ok. Say 'excuse me.'" I was stunned. I am not a child who needs to be taught her manners. Personally, I reserve "excuse me" for when I don't understand or approve of something (which may be accompanied by a bit of an attitude... which I might have used in response to the lady if I wasn't such a nice little, Asian girl) or when I want to ask a question to a stranger. The mere fact that I didn't say, "Move, B#$%@!" should have been enough.

Ok... I've vented. I'm going to let it go now. Release...

c'mon get happy

Do some people enjoy living in a perpetual state of disturbance? I feel like there are some people out there who create problems for themselves or refuse to take action to resolve their own problems. Perhaps on a subconscious level, they don't really want any obstacles removed from their path because their problems define their identities. If they aren't complaining then they don't know what else they would say. So, guess what I heard on the Secret yesterday? Some people are more comfortable with the certainty in suffering than in things getting better. I think I might have stopped listening after they said this because it was such an affirmation to my idea, so I don't know how these people can be helped. I'm guessing they should listen to the Secret. :)

highlights from the 25th year

I've been meaning to write a birthday blog because 25 was a really good year. Here is a list of the highlights in chronological order...

1. 25th Birthday w/ my BFFs
2. Bliss Spa in NYC
3. Clipse Concert
4. Up all Night in NYC
5. Broken English
6. Judy Blume @ ALA Conference
7. Trip to San Diego/LA
8. Getting fired from the ballet academy - Getting a job at the LOC
9. JWR
10. R. Kelly
11. Chris Brown - it was totally worth it the second time around :)
12. Lion King

my ears deceive me

So, I work with this Austrian woman. She has an accent. Here is the conversation that took place when I got to my desk.

AW: I saw a death this morning.
ME: Oh really!? Where?
AW: Downstairs
ME: Outside?
AW: No, just downstairs
ME: Are you sure? How do you know?
AW: I know. I've seen her before. She had reddish-brown hair and was short with glasses.

At this point I realized that she didn't see a "death" this morning but she saw "Deb," a woman who is quite notorious for her irrational behavior.

Basically, what started out as a very interesting conversation ended in a fizzle. I am glad that no one died in the library though.

Happy Valentine's Day - my gift to the menfolk

PMS. You know your monthly visitor is on the way because your skin is not cooperating and you have mood swings like a manic-depressive. At least this is how it goes for me. The emotions are so frustrating because it really does have you thinking and acting like a crazy person. One minute I want to cry and then the next I'll be fine. I feel wholly apathetic about things that would typically be important (my relationship, for example) and then I become obsessed with my weight and appearance.

I never know what will irritate me. All of a sudden I am rude and will disengage. And you'll be wondering, is this really the same person who has a "no 'shut-up'" policy in her relationship and gets hugs from the mean lady at work? I feel like PMS apology letters have become a regular thing for me to write to my boyfriend (well, only once or twice). It's like apologizing for someone else. It wasn't me that called you annoying or refused to laugh at your jokes. It was a less-rational, less-sane person who resembles me on a bad-skin and bad-hair day.

Anyway, I'm writing this blog as a man's manual (Hi J!)on how to deal with me (and maybe some other women) when I'm (they're) PMS-ing.
1. Get me moving, physical activity is great to combat the thoughts of "I'm so fat." It might also help me take out some of my aggression... maybe you'd like to be my personal punching bag, because let's face it, my words hurt you more than any blow with my fists.
2. Turn on some of my favorite dance music. Don't force me to dance, especially if your moves aren't quite winning me over. I'll dance on my own when I'm ready.
3. Do something to help me relax - bath, massage, watching Hell Date, etc.
4. Tell me to call F or D. They are usually good at diffusing such situations. F will talk to me about bad television programs or her antics and D can tell me cute stories about her too-cute niece or the latest weirdo in her life.
5. Run an errand or do something nice and unexpected for me to show you care and that you don't just want to suck the life out of me (because the thought does cross my mind while I am in this state).
6. Have a delicious dessert (who am I kidding, just stock the entire kitchen with EVERYTHING) on hand in case all else fails because nothing is going to make any sense for about a week.

Now... the things NOT to do
1. Do NOT make any jokes that are rude in the slightest, even if I would normally laugh at them. I will not be amused and be forced to take it in the worst way possible.
2. Do NOT expect me to be my cute, happy, effervesent self, no matter what. You're only setting yourself up for disappointment and making me feel bad for being this way.
3. Do NOT mention any other female, unless she is dead or in your family.
4. Do NOT let me get away with being a bitch. Recognize the PMS. If you've followed all the rules and my behavior becomes unreasonable, then you need to let me know (nicely).
5. Do NOT take it personally... Monica was so right with that song. That is the PMS anthem.

So, there it is. You know how to deal with PMS now. Happy Valentine's Day to you!

power struggles

We always talk about who wears the pants in the relationship. The ideal situation is for there to be a balance or even distribution of power. Unfortunately, this is not the case in all relationships. Roomie and I sought to determine the factors of power in romantic relationships. We came up with four factors that are all equally-weighted. A point is given to whichever individual holds the power in each given factor, and the one who gets the most points, holds the most power (we did give half points in situations which the factor in question was inconclusive). We even plugged in different couples that we know in order to test whether our theory held any weight. Now, this isn't exactly scientific method since we are only observers of relationships and do not know all the nitty-gritty details and power can and often does shift in the course of a relationship, but I think we did a pretty good job - see if you agree.

Factor 1: The Pursuer
The one doing the chasing has less power because they are first to open themselves up to be vulnerable. In their pursuit, they are giving the pursuited the option of whether or not to accept their affections.

Factor 2: Attractiveness
The one who is more attractive has more power because they are more appealing to the opposite sex and have greater potential to get another mate.

Factor 3: The Decisionmaker
The person who determines the course of a relationship has more power. The main decisionmaker can convince their mate that what they want is ultimately what is best for the relationship, even if the other person is unhappy with the decision. The unhappy party will succumb to the other party in order to keep the peace and their mate.

Factor 4: Need
In a healthy relationship, this factor eventually becomes very balanced as each person becomes more dependent on the other for sexual, emotional, financial fulfillment, so this is the factor that is least cut and dry. I think the question that has to be asked is, "who would be worse off if the relationship ended?"

curiosity killed whatever animal that man's wig is made out of!

Why is it taboo to ask people certain questions? Why is there a bridge you must cross in order to reach the level of intimacy where it isn't rude to ask people "personal" questions? I think we would have everything figured out much quicker if we could just cut to the chase. And we wouldn't have all that small-talk BS that makes me cringe. There are questions that people are dying to ask but don't for fear of being rude or inconsiderate. So, essentially we don't want anyone to judge us for being so upfront.

Today, this guy at worked introduced himself to me. We were going to lunch at the same time so he cornered me on the elevator. He had sweat dripping all over his face, which he was wiping with his hand, therefore I did not want to shake his hand, but I did anyway. This guy has a serious limp. I think one leg must be a lot shorter than the other.

I was in and out of the cafeteria for fear that he would try to eat lunch with me. All his sweating made me uncomfortable and I wanted to wash my hands. While I was bolting to and from the cafeteria thoughts of the potential lunch conversation plagued me. I would want to ask him why he had a limp, but that wouldn't be right. I mean, am I not supposed to notice that he has a limp? Why can't I just ask him? Would he tell me about it if we had an in-depth conversation?

There's another guy at work who I only see in the mornings. He has no arms. If I were to have lunch with him, I'd want to ask him about that. Lunch with him would be really awkward too because when you eat, you have to use your hands. Does he eat with people? Do they help him? Was he born without arms?

Recently I've been encountering this man in the cafeteria that has the worst wig EVER. I would describe the color and texture as a mix between cotton candy and a meerkat. I can see his white sideburns, so how come he has a pinkish-tan wig? What's under there? Why doesn't he comb this wig? It's unreal. Nobody is fooled. Does he think it looks good on him? It's many steps below Barbie hair. I hope to get a picture one day.

I wonder if there are questions that people want to ask me but don't. The questionee has the right to reserve his/her privacy so if someone did ask me a question that was too "personal" I would just avoid it. I wouldn't judge them for their curiosity since I wouldn't want anyone to judge me for mine. So, ask away. I'd be happy to oblige (maybe).

bloggity blog blog

The blogs I most enjoy reading have not been updated so I thought I should update to perhaps inspire them (or give them a bit of a guilt trip for leaving me bored at work). I just created a new blog for book club. I think it will be fun to update about the new book we're reading, Snowflower and the Secret Fan by Lisa See and for people to post about the book we just finished reading, Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert.

So, I had lunch with my brother this weekend and he was talking to me about blogging. He has started blogging, but not out of vanity (catharsis, self-reflection) or to keep people updated on his life, but out of greed! He's blogging for the money! He was telling me all about ads, and how if people click links on your blog, you make money. There was a word for that, started with a "b" - can't remember it now. He's made 35 cents so far. Apparently, people can make a living doing this stuff. He asked whether I was interested in doing this. "Do you have a niche?" he asked, "What do you blog about?"

Uh... stuff? Unfortunately, as amused as I am with myself, I need a niche in order to target an audience for ads and to generate traffic to my blog (and make the money). So, maybe my niche will be reading, since I just started that book blog - eh... reading isn't quite the hotness and what do you sell to readers besides books? I don't know. My brother said he'd get back to me in a month. Maybe by then he'll have made a whole dollar and maybe I'll have uncovered a different niche. Dating and relationships is supposedly huge... where can we go with that?

bad luck driving in DC

Well folks... remember that time not too long ago where I ran that redlight leaving the ballet academy. It came and got me today in the form of a $150 ticket. *sigh* Stupid, stupid, stupid. You know... it's not even about stupidity. I just have slow reflexes when it comes to driving. So slow. :(

boundaries

Early in life we get the impulse to push the envelope. I think around 18 months, children start to test their limits. They want to see how loud they have to scream before they get a response or how many times they can throw something on the floor for mom to pick up until it is taken away. Essentially, they are learning about cause and effect and about how much impact or control they have on their surrounding environment.

This type of exploration follows us throughout life. When I was 5, I asked my mom, "where the hell is Cathy (my cousin)?" I recieved a swift smack on the mouth. I didn't know that I had said anything inappropriate. I probably saw it on tv and just wanted to test out the new phrase, but I was also testing a boundary and trying to gauge my own status. Essentially, I was trying to determine whether I was grown-up enough to say that. Apparently not.

In a way, we're just trying to see what we can get away with. It's a behavioral challenge. Exhileration comes from being on the very edge and catching a glimpse of the other side, like playing with fire.

I like to tiptoe on the line sometimes. I guess with the people I love the most and who I think love me the most. Sometimes you just want to act out and even though you're not thinking, "I want to know the boundaries of your love for me," subconsciously that is your goal or perhaps you need that reassurance.

In relationships there aren't physical bounds that can be measured, however, the boundaries are still tested for similar reasons; to determine control and status. Who has more control of the relationship? What kind of status do I have in this relationship? How much does so and so love me?

I don't have any advice in dealing with this type of behavior if you're the one being tested (perhaps I will have it figured out once I have children or something). If it happens to you, it's your own judgement call. Different relationships will have different boundaries dependent on those involved. Everyone is constantly seeking boundaries. We want to see how far out we can go even though we don't want to go beyond that point because ultimately we always want someone there to pull us back and love us.

who's your daddy?

Last night, roomie and I were discussing dads. Somehow, we came to the conclusion that my dad is the most attractive of all my friends' dads. He has a full head of hair, no gut, and is in pretty good shape. He also has wonderfully defined facial bone structure. Who knew my dad was such a stud?

negotiating friendships through life changes

As our lives move beyond high school and college, the ties of friendship are tested. It is easy to maintain friendships with people in the same location, doing the same things at the same time, not to mention the abundance of free time we had or the ease in which we shirked responsibility. Different relationships require varying levels of nourishment. There are some friends that you see once or twice a year when it's convenient and you spend hours catching up. There are friends that you have all night chat and veg sessions with every some odd weeks. There are friends that you send 12 random texts to on those particularly curious days. There is quite a spectrum and one form of friendship sustenance is not better than the other. Without set guidelines, just how a friendship operates depends on the pair.

I value each of my friends for their individual personalities and for what they bring to my life. Unfortunately, I made a poor showing of this a few days ago to a friend that I have known since 4th grade. If I made each of my friends a body part, she would be the heart. She is sensitive and loving - traits that I lack at times. We hadn't hung out or really talked in almost two months and I think that put a bit of a chip on my shoulder about her importance in my life, which in turn may have led to my poor treatment of her. As someone has been telling me, I'm "such a girl." And well, yes I am. Us girls in our quarterlives are having breakdowns left and right over the littlest things. We're facing all these changes and venturing into a world unknown. Are we crying because we're scared? Are we crying about what we might be losing? Are we crying because we don't want to let go of our post-college glow? Friendships seem to wax and wane, unfortunately those cycles are not as easy to read as other cycles we deal with. Again, I'm a girl.

It's daunting. I'm saying and doing things I'd never thought I'd do or say and I'm wondering if I've lost a piece of who I am. I think a lot of my friends are feeling similar, yet we're not really sure what is at the heart of the matter. I find myself feeling so alone at times and although I'm content with it, something does feel amiss. In all the other stages of my life, I was knee-deep in commiseration with my friends - puberty, identity crises, teenage angst, the college years. I'm beginning to wonder what friendships will endure this current phase of my life and what role I play in keeping these friendships. What must I do? What must I accept or not accept? What makes a friendship worthwhile? It's almost something we take for granted now. And we are surrounded by so many other people and things that our nearest and dearest friends almost become a second thought. I've never been very good at reaching out, but if I want to keep the friends that I've got, I think it might be time to learn.

fight or flight?

I am a flighter, if that's even a word. One mis-step and I am about-face and gone, warp speed. I don't know how we develop these instincts or if we are born as one or the other. I think flighters are chickens. Yeah, I'm a chicken.

I have a lot of respect for fighters. I envy them because they have this zeal, this confidence going into any given situation. They stand up for what they believe in and they fight because their morals tell them they should even when some fights aren't worth the trouble. P is a fighter. Many times I've been willing to abandon friendships and relationships or anything for that matter, but she won't let them go so easily. Even when she knows that someone isn't worth fighting for, she still tries because that is her nature. She thinks that every relationship is worth salvaging. To her not fighting is failure in itself.

There was a time way back when that P and I may have stopped being friends entirely. It was during summer vacation from high school. She would call me every single morning and wake me up after I explicitly told her that I just wanted to sleep in. One morning, fed up, we had a little exchange of words and one of us hung up on the other. I can't seem to recall who hung up on whom, but she was the one to initiate our reconciliation. We had a very close mutual friend so we still had that shared connection. We never really drifted apart, we just didn't talk. After months of not talking, she mailed me a card. I still have that card and I think it saved our friendship.

There was a time recently when we had a heart to heart, and again, she showed me how important our friendship was even when I would have just as easily walked away and then come to miss her like crazy, but have too much pride to say so. I'm a big, fat chicken. It is just so hard to bring myself to care sometimes, as if my emotions take longer to catch up with the rest of me. I'm glad that there are people like P in my life. I have a lot to learn from them.

six months

I've been working at the LOC for six months now. I only know vaguely what this whole operation is all about. Something about inventory, books, sending books to Ft. Meade... yeah. I inspect the trucks and then flag them for errors, if I find any. I don't really know what all the MARC records are. I don't even know the real difference between the holding record and the item record. And you probably know as much as I do about serials. You think I would have learned some of this by now. I guess I do a decent job at pretending like I know what I'm doing. I've never had to pretend in any of my previous jobs...

I don't know how much longer I'd like to keep up this charade. I've never had the same job for more than a year, so I'd like to set a personal record this time. Wish me luck... and also a raise.

good thing...

the smoke detector is outside of my room. I almost burned our apartment down on our second night there. I lit a candle and then left to observe roomie with her breadmaker. I think we were in the living room chatting when all of a sudden... BEEP!

I went into my room and discovered my glass candle holder ablaze!

I managed to blow it out, but it was quite scary.

Well, at least we know the smoke detector works. And I've learned my lesson.

"movin' on up..."

Or, moved, rather. This is our first night in our new apartment. We still have some cleaning to finish up in the old one - taking out trash, vacuuming. I'm going to miss good old 203. It was a cozy spot, but as we started our move, it became apparent that things were getting a bit cramped. We somehow accumulated tons of stuff in our time there and moving seemed like it would never end. Thank goodness we had some wonderful help. Those folks are the best. We had a shopping cart genius-cum-grocery advisor, my poor little brother, the ever-handy P, and then the egg-dropper turned couch-mover, who finished things off. My brother was quite the trooper. He was the first one here last night and then up early this morning to help us do most of the furniture. He's a great kid sometimes.

Roomie and I no longer share a bathroom, though getting used to such a teeny bathroom will take some time. Most everything else is bigger. I'm definitely making good use of the walk-in closet. Now I can confine my junk-monster tendencies (once I get more organized...). There is an impulse to fill empty space, but I'm resisting it. The thought of moving everything that I bring into this place is still entirely too fresh.

Yeah... so I guess this concludes my week. And what a week it was.

happy happy friday!

things that make me happy today
1. Hearing J's voice at 2am.
2. Hopping onto the Metro train just before the doors close
3. Wearing my rain boots (I'll post a picture, I think they would make you happy too)
4. Getting off work early
5. No longer being a bridesmaid!!!

busy busy

This has been such a busy week. All the days seem to run together. And it's not over yet. Tomorrow we sign our lease and start moving some of our stuff out of here. I hope that it goes smoothly.

I'm so tired but I feel like there is still unwinding that needs to be done. I think I can now definitely say I know what it's like to be a bridesmaid. All evening we had to get our picture taken and then while everyone was enjoying the show, we had to do all the behind-the-scenes stuff, so in other words, we did not get to watch the movie. I did get to play bride for about 5 minutes and toss the bouquet. That was really weird. I didn't get much air on the sucker, but I'll do better next time.

I had a lot of fun with the girls that I worked the promo with. We bonded. The experience brought us pretty close and we already have our reunion scheduled for next week when we get to go and watch a second free screening of the movie.

I'm glad that my bridesmaid duties are over. Perhaps in a few years I'll be ready to do it all over again. We'll see.

so, this is what being a bridesmaid is like...

None of my close friends has gotten married (I guess they'd have to be engaged first) yet, but I think I already know what it's like to be a bridesmaid. "Be here at this time" and "Wear this." I've done this gig for 3 days now and I'm beat. I guess working the promo on top of my job makes for a long day. 2 days left. Thursday is the big show.

I just got an email with pictures of the dresses. I see three dresses and one of them is kind of ugly. I hope I don't get that one, but I probably will. I know I'm not fat, but I feel like I need to starve myself for this dress. Being at the ballet academy yesterday didn't help. I really shouldn't go there anymore. It is just depressing.

my bad...

I went to the ballet academy today to have dinner with my old mentee. I thought I'd bring a pizza since the food is usually not that great. Well... they not only re-did the entire cafeteria, they also hired a new chef! So, I basically insulted him on his first day. The food really did look quite tasty. I'm impressed, but my giant pizza box was not a pleasant gesture by any means.

I think I ate too much pizza... I feel gross. And to tie a nice bow onto this fiasco, I think I ran a redlight on my way home. I saw those camera flashes. I hope the ticket isn't too much... Ugh... I should never go back to that place again...

Happy New Year!

Welcome to 2008!

I worked a promo this weekend where I was wandering around DC wearing a bright pink sweatshirt and a veil. I was promoting the movie "27 Dresses". The sweatshirt said "Always a bridesmaid, never a bride" on the back. It was fun. I'm doing it for 2 more days and then on Thursday, I will be wearing a dress for the movie screening. I got to peruse some shops and also hang out in the Origins store playing with the moisturizer and the makeup. I'll try to post some pictures later, perhaps.



We move in less than a week!!! It's crazy. Hopefully it won't be too bad. Hopefully, we'll have lots of people come to help. :)

On Saturday, Mike stopped by. We got to catch up a bit since he's been in Texas and hasn't blogged in awhile. Not that I have either. After Mike left, E and Pierre came by and we made omelets and strawberry pancakes for dinner. These are some of my favorite people lately. It's just always really chill hanging out with them and there's no pressure to look cute or cater to them (not that I'm very good at that anyway).

An interesting topic came up in a chat with Pierre and E. We were talking about American men and how they don't really know how to express their feelings. They don't know how to show a girl that they love her. In some other cultures (French, Spanish, Latin in general) men are so much more passionate and wear their hearts on their sleeves. It might be the influence of the culture, how they live life, the music they listen to, the things they eat, etc. I think a lot of times, American girls have low expectations for men. So, if a girl encounters a nice guy who does something even slightly above and beyond, she is convinced that a guy must love her. Hahaha. I'm not that easy to impress. I don't think Asian cultures are overtly romantic. It's more subtle and maybe marriage isn't even based on love. Regardless, a man really has to be consistent to win my affections. I know there is room to expand on this, but I'm at work...

back to my senses

I bought the Chris Brown tickets... because I'm an idiot. And now, I'm going to try to sell them. I'm done obsessing, or at least I hope. Something took over my brain and nobody talked me out of it! Nobody had the right words to convince me of my stupidity. I already needed the intervention when I was writing that last blog.

I realized that there are other things I can spend my money that would make me 10 times more happy than watching an 18 year old sing and gyrate. Yeah... he gyrated. And I liked it, but I've moved on. I still have to sell those tickets though... so, if you know anyone with $200 that loves Chris Brown...

chris brown again

So, Chris Brown will be in town again next month. I really want to go. Like I said, I did not get enough the first time. Tickets go on sale in an hour.
The problem is:
1. I don't have anyone to go with since my best Chris Brown fan is broke.
2. I really shouldn't overextend my funds in this way.

I don't know why I'm so obsessed. I don't think this is out of hand yet, but maybe after this concert (if I actually go), I will need some intervention. Yeah.

because you're worth it...

One of my friends received a mini cooper convertible for Christmas from her boyfriend. She's been wanting one and saving up for awhile now, so I am certain the gift means a lot to her.

Of course I was thrilled for her, but I could not accept a gift like that from a boyfriend, even if I knew we were going to spend the rest of our lives together. I guess a gift like that does not seem justified to me. I've always felt this way about gifts (though I have never received a gift on that level nor have any aspiration to). I've forced more than one gift to be returned. I am not sure why. Perhaps I don't feel as if I am deserving.

E and I were talking about that tonight. Not pertaining to gifts exactly, but about being deserving in relationships. She has a wonderful man in her life who simply adores her and has gone to great lengths to treat her like a queen. She is a great person in so many ways and I think that her guy is really lucky, yet somehow she feels undeserving. I know I've felt this way before, but I got over it. I think F feels this way sometimes too and I am not sure why some girls can't accept the love, attention, devotion, etc. that is lavished upon them. Is it insecurity? low self-esteem? hurt from past relationships? It is probably a combination of all those things and then some. How do we overcome these issues? What does a man have to do to make a girl feel as if she is worthy of his love and affection?

Anyway... on another note, I'd like to modify my recent comments on Katie Holmes. She is starring in a new comedy with Diane Keaton and Queen Latifah. She's bringing some spunk and the movie looks kinda funny. It is definitely not a role I would ever imagine her in and it is not a side of her we see in the tabloids either. Yeah, so I have been pleasantly surprised. Go Mrs. Tom Cruise!

chris brown

I took KW to dinner and then the Chris Brown concert last night for her birthday. Unlike the R. Kelly concert, I was not quite satisfied. I didn't get enough of that 18 year old. He did sing my favorite song from his latest CD though. That was quite the performance... yeah.

When we first got there, we saw a bunch of teeny-boppers. It was overwhelming. We were surrounded. They had all these glow stick and light twirly things and of course the requisite screaming and pandemonium (which we admittedly joined in on when Chris came out... but we weren't as continuous). The concert started at 7:30 with Sean Kingston, and all those horrible Soulja Boy(s), Pet Shop Boys, and then Bow Wow. We didn't really know very many of the songs that they performed. Needless to say, our ripe old age of 25 was showing. That Soulja Boy is so disgusting. He humped the stage and it was NOT sexy in the least. He's a twig and he had these HUGE green balloon pants that he could barely keep on. Ick.

Chris came out around 10 and put on an outstanding performance. I won't go into detail because KW went into a lot of detail with her boyfriend and his panties got in a bunch. So, I think I'll just say that young Chris is in his prime now.

unreal

What happened to the sarcastic, witty, and real Joey from Dawson's Creek that we all knew and loved? I like babies and cookies too, but I'd like to keep my identity. How and when do women once so awe-inspiring become so boring and vomit-worthy? Is this what men do to women? Is this what men want? She is stunning and I'm sure she's a great wife and mother, but I don't think she'll ever be anything else not if she stays with Tom anyway. This was her dream come true and Tom Cruise was her perfect knight in shining armor. She's just a trophy wife now, I guess. It's almost a disgrace. She should not be allowed to talk to the media, just photographed. This is just embarassing.

All I can think is that Tom Cruise is a sick, sick man to accept a woman like that.

shoe power

i'm wearing my new shoes today. big mistake. i just got here and i already have a blister on my pinky toe and i can feel one forming on the ball of my other foot.

it's not even a high heel. i don't know what has happened to me. i used to wear stilettos twice this high traipsing all through Boston. now i'm in pain over some 2-inch wedges!

anyway, it's amazing how two inches can make you feel so different. i usually wear flats, loafer-type shoes, or sneakers to work, so these shoes exaggerate my already seductive strut (hahahaha). Here is a conversation that ensued as i walked past (don't be jealous, J).

guy 1: There's a sexy little Chinese girl here
guy 2: Yeah, I saw her walk by

i don't know if they were talking so that i would overhear or if they were dense. i just pretended to not pay them any attention. but yeah... this is the power of shoes (until my strut turns into a hobble, of course).

charlie

The world lost an incredible man this past Sunday. He was the principal of the school that I worked at in Boston, but to many others, he was so much more. He touched the lives of everyone he encountered in a meaningful way.

I still remember the first time I met him. He made me fall in love with the school. I knew that with a man like him as its leader, the school undoubtedly had to be a success and I longed to be a part of it. He gave me an indescribable sense of hope because of his dedication. He screened me like I was going to be entrusted with his children, in his heart that was what he was doing, yet still found a way to connect with me and make me feel special. He had a way about him, all the right things to say: words of encouragement, words of comfort, words of discipline. And listeners valued and took to heart every single word.

I know many stand in awe of Charlie, yet he was always so humble. He always saw the best in those around him and not only that, he saw all the potential as well. He truly made a difference in the lives of others and I know every one of those kids that went to that school loved him. Charlie was no ordinary man.

article from the Boston Globe

JO knows

Yesterday, we had a farewell lunch for Jefe. It was rather uneventful and three times longer than my usual lunch break, but whatever.

I just had to make note of what JO ate. This was kind of my biggest intrigue going into the restaurant. What does JO eat? I know he keeps things like pretzels and oatmeal bars in his desk, but I've never seen him eat lunch.
So... for lunch he ordered... drumroll please...

Hummus. It came with pita bread and a couple carrot sticks.

Kinda weird, eh? Is that enough sustenance? Or maybe Americans eat waaaay too much. Yeah, I think that might actually be it. I'm going to stop overeating... or at least curb the habit a little. It doesn't really feel good to eat such large portions, y'know? Yep, JO knows all and I hope he has more knowledge to impart on me.

is it wrong?

I got an A on my class presentation, make that a 192/200. I got 196/200 on my paper, so the 192 was a bit of a letdown. I thought the presentation went well and I suppose my grade indicates as much, but the comment she had about my presentation was that my "style was a bit informal." I was acting out different things, using my usual hand gestures and language.

I guess it was true to who I am. My voice and style doesn't really rise to a formal tone in any certain situation. I prefer to keep things low-key and casual, fun, if you will. :) This isn't true just for presentations. I'm even this way when talking to God. It's very casual. I don't pull out fancy vocabulary or elaborate metaphors. I just talk to him in the same way I talk to anyone else. It's more comfortable that way, when you don't have to worry about what you're saying.

I know there are people out there that are very good at accomodating to various situations, I'm not one of them. Perhaps this is something to work on. Is this a part of growing? Role-playing? I don't think I was too gifted with this as a kid not am I comfortable with it now. Hmm... :(

Yesterday was my last class of the semester. We had dinner as a class and it was alright, I suppose. There are some individuals in the class who I thought were great and truly enjoyed, but then there were some that I found really annoying and for no particular reason. I was sitting next to and across from two of those people last night. I engaged them in conversation and asked them questions about themselves, but I couldn't shake the contempt that I felt for them from my mind. That's evil, isn't it? Even though I don't really like them, I still have a curiousity about them. Is that strange? Being intrigued by people you dislike... ?? Maybe I am trying to find reasons to like them or perhaps reasons to support my dislike. Hmm... yeah, maybe that's it.

So, these are some of my personal quandaries. Is it just me or does someone else get what I'm saying?

i'm curious

Ok, let's say you're in a public restroom and you just made stink. Maybe you're at the sink washing your hands when someone walks in. They are reaching for the handle of the stall that you just came out of. Would you warn them? Why or why not? What would you do? What would you want someone else to do, if the roles were reversed?

What do you do when you go into a stall that stinks and the person who just came out of it is still in the restroom and can see you leave the stall? Is that an insult?

Hahahaha... let me know.

late night

"Fords, Hondas, Chevys, Beemers and minivans. Over 600 cars, trucks, SUVs, are you listening, man? At Eastern Motors, your jobs your credit..."

This would be my celebratory song and dance after finishing my paper, courtesy of my brother. After we finished singing he said, "You sing AWESOME!" (I had asked him if he thought I was a good singer... kind of today's theme, which I'll have to get to later).I think the Eastern Motors commercial is a DC Metro area thing along with the "Kiss my bumper" guy. Does anyone remember that?

E got a new car recently. Not from Eastern Motors. Hers is actually new and a hybrid to boot!

Anyway... I'm excited about finishing my final. I turn it in tomorrow at class, which is being held at a brewery. Not really an official class, you can assume.

I feel like I've had lots of thoughts to blog today, but they might have to wait for another time. Don't worry, they'll come soon. I have drafts to job my memory. :)

crazy love...

Hi. I'm HT and I'm a romantic.

For awhile, I didn't think I would ever do the boyfriend/girlfriend thing. Beyond all rationalization, I just thought that some wonderful man was going to turn to me one day and propose, perhaps from friend to fiance. I also always believed that when I met the man that I would spend the rest of my life with, I would know it instantaneously. I believed that there would be butterflies and fireworks; that things would just click and there would be magic.

The first time I met J was not like that. I don't remember when I met J. I know it was at Wake Forest and through our mutual friend Billiam, but I didn't even remember J as having a personality. I'm still not convinced that he had one until we graduated.

When I met J the second time, it went a little differently, but I won't go into that right now.

Love is supposed to be easy and for me one kiss can tell you whether someone is right for you as well as determine the course of an entire relationship. I believe that true love sustains itself and in my ideal relationship, the butterflies are always there and looking at that person always feels like the first time. I think loving is about compromising on standards that you thought were set in stone and being changed by another person. And though I've decieved myself in the past, I believe with all my heart that "sometimes you just know."

"If you wanna know, if he loves you so. It's in his kiss."

Set games and platonic relationships

So, let me tell you what my life has come to...

I am now having daily Set competitions with Mike. We do the daily puzzle and compare our times. It's definitely a way to make work a little more interesting. So, all the way from Philly, Mike is keeping me entertained. Mike doesn't do anything all day and I'm just bored, so I guess it makes sense. He's keeping track of our times supposedly, so I will spare you the details in my blog.

The other day, F was reading Mike's blog and she asked me why Mike and I never dated. First of all, we've each had long-term hookups with each other's friends BEFORE we even really knew each other, so there is a certain level of discretion that has already been breached. Second of all, I don't think we would have cute children. So really, what's the point? Anyway, this got me thinking about platonic relationships.

I'm not sure what it takes to to have close platonic (free from sexual desire, in case that was unclear for anyone) male friends. For most, in order to have a successful platonic relationship with someone, it requires for one of the parties to be in a non-platonic relationship with someone else, so perhaps that is a contributing factor. I guess I am just mindful of boundaries and cognizant of what I want out of a relationship. I think about the big picture and realize that in the grand scheme of things, certain individuals are only meant to be friends and that the friendship is more valuable to me than one too many drinks leading to an awkward morning after or something to that effect, ultimately jeopardizing the friendship.

Purely platonic guy friends are hard to come by because 1) they have probably had thoughts of getting into your pants 2) you have sought them for the comfort that only the opposite sex can provide and 3) people lose better judgement when they are lonely, horny, drunk,or tired.

We need those friends of the opposite sex. They give you something that same sex friendships can't provide (and same-sex friendships give you something that opposite-sex friendships can't provide as well!), such as reassurance about what a great catch you are and insight into the psyche of the opposite sex. It's just a different type of exchange that I think has been very healthy for me and I think others as well. I'd like to think my guy friends (or at least Mike) enjoy my company and think that I have more to offer as a friend than as a hookup. Maybe it's not for everyone. *shrug* Maybe we just need to go into relationships with boundaries already defined so that we don't deal with the drama of confusion and mixed signals. Maybe we should just forget relationships entirely and just have daily set competitions. Any other ideas?

oh nuts...

I'm thinking about nuts today.

I just had to google walnuts and pecans because I forgot what makes them different from one another. I don't really like walnuts all that much, nor pecans. I think walnuts are just ugly pecans, not that pecans are that pretty.

My favorite nuts are actually brazil nuts, but they aren't that popular because nobody does anything special with 'em. They are beauts though, in and out of the shell. The flesh is so smooth and the shell is real tough with a bark-like texture that is such an inviting brown color. Anyway...

Walnuts are famous in brownies. Pecans are good for pecan praline ice cream and pecan sandies. Almonds are used with just about everything. Macademia nuts are usually covered in chocolate and popular because of Hawaiians. Pistachios are good for ice cream (Ben and Jerry's Pistachio, Pistachio is great... though I spit out the actual nuts). And Peanuts... well, I don't even need to talk about peanuts.

Chestnuts are good too. Mmm... especially roasted. We used to have a chestnut tree in front of our house. Mmm... they aren't really your typical nut though, are they?

What was my point?

backburner

Why is it that there are some guys (perhaps girls do it too, but I've no examples at the moment) out there that think they can keep you waiting on the backburner forever? At least two if not three of my nearest and dearest are/were in this situation and I've experienced it myself. I think a lot of times the guys aren't ready or maybe there are times when we're the ones who are not ready. So maybe there are huge issues with timing. It's been said on many occasions, "If me and X ever get back together, it's over (as in, we're getting married - game over)."

As much as we want to hold on to our ideals of the happy ending with our "first love" there comes a time when you have to move on. You think you'll never love anyone the way you love X and though that might be true, new love that comes along can be just as good and even more fulfilling. These new people know what they want (namely you... and isn't it amazing to be wanted in that way?) and go to inconceivable lengths to attain it while making it so organic and easy at the same time. They persist, they flirt, they woo you and sweep you off your feet. They break your "rules" and they win your heart. And what a relief to not be left guessing someone's feelings, thoughts, or intentions!

I think the backburner guys think they have the upper-hand on any new guy that comes along. And in some ways they do. They have history, comfort, and of course all the emotions on their side. They had you once and they think that they can have you again, but as the stress, pain, and anguish stack up, you realize that you going back to them requires a lot more from them than they are capable of investing. And maybe it is circumstances beyond their control that are keeping them from pursuing you, but waiting for the grand gesture is exhausting. When something new comes along, something simple and untainted with any of the heartache, it's like coming alive again. And maybe that's when we discover that on the backburner isn't where we want to be nor is it a place we ever belonged.

winter apparel

As the weather has gotten colder, I've wondered to myself what JO was going to wear to keep warm. He had been wearing a trench coat for a little while now, but I knew a trench would not suffice through the winter. I hypothesized that he would have a dark wool coat. And today, my hypothesis was confirmed.

He commented that his coat is older than I am. It's still in good shape though. I'm always excited to see new items in JO's wardrobe. It really is a uniform. Maybe I should have a work uniform too. It would make things so much easier. I could employ similar layering techniques as JO as well. Turtleneck, dress shirt, sweater... trench or wool coat. Pants, belt, shoes.

I asked JO today if he wore a hat. And he said, "I suppose I should, but that's just another thing to lose." I told him how I lost my glove and he was so genuinely concerned. I told him I got it back and he told me I was lucky. I'd buy a hat for JO, but what kind of hat would he wear? Maybe Sherlock Holmes style hat? Do they make those anymore?

good things for good people

My roomie is in LOVE! That's right folks, Ms. Independent-I-Wanna-Live-in-Japan-I-Don't-Need-to-Live-with-my-Husband-I-Don't-Believe-That-Love-Can-Last is in love. She's so smitten. She said, "I was up at 4am and excited about it because of him." It's enough to bring a tear to my eye. My flirtatious, fickle roomie is naming babies with the best of 'em now. Hahahaha.

And, I'd like for her to eat her words... all of them, but I know she won't, only some of them. Don't think I was unaware of your doubts and skepticism, Miss! I'm glad you got bit by the love bug. And I'm so happy that you're experiencing all these feelings. I'll find someone else for MM, maybe someone who's reading this. Any takers?

I passed along a friend's resume to my supervisor this week and guess what? She got the job! I am excited to be working with someone I know. And I'm excited that she's getting a better-paying job because I think she deserves it. It's about time! I hope she doesn't regret taking the job though because it's not always loads of fun. Um... yeah, it can be pretty boring. Working with me, however, easily anyone's dream. :)

"Let's go have that wreckless love, that love crazy, that off the wall won't stop 'til I get enough kind of love" - Alicia Keys

I love Fridays!!!

1. I found my glove! It was sitting on the security person's podium. Eureka!

2. J is back from nabbing bad guys (or, so I believe...) and we had some IM love (nothing dirty... though I'm sure he would have liked that).

3. I see P and N today!

fascinating books

Today I came across a book of pet names. It listed pet names alphabetically and by sex. The first two sentences of the introduction follow.

How does one choose a name for a pet?

Some people like to choose a name based on the physical characteristics of the pet - "Spot," or "Whitey," or "Stubby."

I can't believe this was published. So ridiculous.

foiled again

I wanted to flush out my system today because I have not been putting good things into my body. I had some cereal this morning, a sandwich at lunch (definitely nowhere near the typical amount of food consumed at work) and TONS of water. I decided that I could use some more calories, so I picked up some cookies. Uncle Al's Duplex Cremes, $1 from the vending machine. When I had three cookies left, I checked the nutrition facts.

Serving Size: 3 cookies
Servings Per Container: About 5
Total Fat: 4.5 grams

Jinkies!!! That comes out to be about 20 grams of fat. Ewwwww... so much for flushing out my system.

one glove

I think someone needs to be reflecting my face back to me at all times because I know I look at people and think horrible things in my head like "When is he going to get to a point?" or "He's really dorky." I hope my thoughts don't read on my face, but from what I've heard, they do. I will never be able to play poker.

Anyway, perhaps I'm just feeling mean and bitter because my morning got off to a not great start. I lost my glove. And I even realized it within 30 seconds of its absence, but I couldn't get it back. Elevators and crowded streets are nowhere to take off your gloves. I spent about 15 minutes waiting for the elevator I rode in to come back up to the 5th floor so that I could search for my glove. *sigh*

The last time I lost a glove was in New York City, either in a crowded department store or on the street. I will have to look for deeper pockets in my next coat, but first I'll need a new pair of gloves.

what would i do without MM?

This past weekend, ok... this past week, I was PMS-ing hardcore. I was shoving sweets in my face and crying like it was my job. I did not know what I was going to do with myself. I don't want to be a constant basketcase for roomie to deal with, so I resorted to sobbing in my bed for a few hours on Saturday. Then I napped.

Thankfully, MM called and saved me. He knew something was up.

"What's wrong?" (in that deep, stern voice of his)

I don't really remember if I said I had been crying or if there was nothing wrong. Either way, it came out that I was a miserable mess.

"I've never seen you show emotions. You're the Ice Queen."

MM... you're right! I am the Ice Queen. He made me feel like my old self again. He then drove from Richmond to hang out with me. I love MM.

When he left he said "Don't cry anymore."

And for the most part, I've stopped. When MM gives orders, I listen.

sitcom star

JO always jokes that work is like a low-grade sitcom.

"Don't delude yourself, HT. You're one of the stars."

Hahaha.

I hate talking to people from work outside of work. Well, no, I take that back. I don't mind with the girl that's around my age, but I hardly ever see her. So, instead of walking and chatting with co-workers or Jefe, I tend to lag behind or take a different route. Is that crazy? I hate small talk. It's ok at work, but outside of it, there's something awkward about it to me. I'll work on it, maybe.

R. Kelly

I went to see R. Kelly this past Sunday. Yeah. I love R. Kelly. It wasn't the best concert that I've been to, but it was exciting to hear all those songs live. I'll be back to see him again.

I could definitely get it on during an R. Kelly concert. Yeah.

"I don't see nothing wrong..."

red beanie man

I was walking behind this skinny guy wearing a red beanie. He was reading a book or something while as he is walking. He wasn't paying attention and walked smack into a pole. Hahaha... that gave me my morning chuckle.

chair dancing at work

Chair dancing to "freek-a-leek"... might not be the most professional look.

weeds

weeding... it's a necessary task. in gardens. in libraries. so, i'm thinking that it needs to be employed in relationships. weeds are simply taking up space. they don't provide anything to sustain a relationship. they are essentially a nuisance and they can also stifle the growth of other relationships and make things ugly.

so, yeah. where's my hoe?

it's not the first time this has been said about me...

I was in a really bad mood this morning. I couldn't get dressed and I felt all around grouchy.

So, I finally get my arse to work and I don't really talk to anyone. At the end of the day, JO comes up to me and says, "See you tomorrow HT."

I say bye, but then we somehow engage in a conversation and he says, "You didn't say a word to me all day, I thought you were mad at me."

I told him that I was feeling grouchy and avoided people for the most part.

Jefe then jumped in and said, "I look forward to seeing you every day. You're always so cheery. I wouldn't have guessed that you were cranky."

I had no idea that Jefe felt this way. Apparently, I AM a burst of sunshine. :)

mikes here

soooo mikes here. he left philly at 1pm, its now 7pm, he just arrived. he told me there was a car accident on 95 that blocked off all the lanes. not just 95 but 695. maybe you heard of this accident. or maybe you were stuck in traffic with me. (this is mike writing, not HT) so when i finally beat the traffic by taking 40 (pulaski highway), i see my good friend kevin horrigans brother. we make eye contact, and we meet up at the next exit. we sit and talk about iraq, life as an aide, and then he tells me his wife is in labor as we speak. and i go "i know shes pregnant." and he says, "no, her water just broke." so i'm thinking good thing you're talking to me right now.

anyways, so now HT is telling me you're not supposed to double space after a period, i think thats horse shit. so what about after a colon, do you not double space then?

i dont know what else to write. i'm on my way down to richmond to visit my friend luke. we're going to get drunk.

thats it

Mike

"you can't rome without caesar"
-kanye

friends and lovers...

What would you do if your family and friends did not like your significant other?

I know this is not a wholly uncommon dilemma, but imagine your love interest being the butt of everyone's jokes or perhaps everyone telling you that he or she isn't good enough, cute enough, or interesting enough. If your friends and family all feel the same way about someone, it is perhaps worthwhile to examine why you are with that person.

Relationships are deep and personal matters and no outsider can fully understand the inner-workings of another couple's relationship, so that alone is reason enough to rebuff someone else's opinion. However, you must also consider that those people are the very ones that do want the best for you and want to see you happy.

A relationship needs to be supported by friends and family because if it is taken to the level of marriage, the families will be coming together and that harmony lends to the success of the union (though, I suppose they could have the us against the world mentality... but I'm sure that gets awful lonely). Also, there are some things that a couple can't handle on their own. Each individual needs outside forces to bolster him or her in order for a relationship to endure. It is not helpful if outside influences try to tear you down or dissuade you from your happiness or worse sabotage your relationship (ok, that's an extreme... but I'm sure it's happened).

What do you do when you have a friend who's dating someone that isn't good enough for them? How do you go about expressing your opinion? It is a dangerous line to straddle. And if they get married, you're stuck! And then doesn't that eventually cause a demise of your friendship? This is one of many reasons why I'm trying to hook up one of my good friends with my roomie (yeah... I'm putting it in the blogosphere... how you like that?). Hahaha.

The only time someone didn't like me was during my high school relationship. His mom had some outrageous opinions. I did not like her nor was I trying to be a brown-noser. To this day, I have no idea why she didn't like me, not that I made a huge effort. Her dislike for me wasn't completely overt, but I got the sense. *shrug* Oh well, her son will never have a girl cuter than me. :) Perhaps she thought her son wasn't cute enough for me! Hahaha. Things worked out for the best in EVERY way (though I regret the wasted time). So, maybe you should listen to your mom, or sister, or best friend - that is, if they are willing to tell you the truth (and by the way, why didn't someone tell me he wasn't cute enough for me?!)

"You need a girl that's A-list, not one that just barely made it on a list" - Kanye West

NG quit

He got a job in Winchester. And we had just so recently bonded over Asbestos Awareness.

Oh! Jefe is leaving in a month! Sad times. I was really interested in his dating adventures.

*sigh*

At least I still have JO (though he made a terrible joke on Friday that I am still not comfortable with... nothing nasty, gutterbrains!).

Revisiting RRs

I was thinking today, I don't even know what makes an acceptable Asian. Is there a code of conduct? vocabulary? costume?

Yeah, I know to take my shoes off when coming in the house, but aside from that I have no clue. What rules am I breaking? What rules am I breaking that are purely a function of my personality? Does anybody know the rules?!

new relationships

Today NG came back from lunch with a box and said, "I shouldn't have gotten this." Intrigued, I asked him what it was. He opened the box and showed me...

a slice of pizza.

Yeah, not that interesting, but I was touched that he displayed such enthusiasm. It takes our relationship to a new level.

Jefe has a new friend. Well, maybe it's an old friend, but regardless, B pointed out to me that they are body doubles. That would mean round and of average-height - stocky, if you will. I've also been meaning to mention that Jefe's love life has picked up. I'm happy for him. It puts a little pep in his step.

NNG

That's New New Guy, if you weren't following. He showed up today. I'm unimpressed. He looks super nerdy. He makes B look good, which is sad. I didn't interact with him a whole lot because I only worked a few hours today. Meh.

Finally gave my presentation for class. Yay... it's all gravy until the final. :)

drowning in my own sweat

I went to my first Bikram Yoga class yesterday. When the doors finally opened, out came a man wearing just shorts and sporting a porno patch of hair on his chest. Sweat was beading up all over his back and down his chest. I was not enthused about all that perspiration.

I don't know what the temperature was in that room, but I started sweating within about 5 minutes of sitting in there and this was before the class began. During most of the class, you're supposed to focus on yourself in the mirror. For the first 30 minutes, I had a nice flush to my cheeks and I thought I was looking pretty cute. In another 10 minutes, my hair was all over the place, sticking up in about 17 million different directions and my entire face was red - red like it's never been in my life. I don't get Asian glow when I drink, so I certainly didn't expect this shade of crimson.

It was intense. My shirt and sports bra from last night have still not dried. They were soaked.

Throughout the entire class, I kept thinking, "I'm not going to make it" and "I'm not coming back." I survived the entire class though and I am going back sometime this week. They say you should try to go at least twice. Whew... I'm exhausted just thinking about it.

you are who you hang out with?

Do you ever find yourself being a different person around different people? Do you feel more fun around certain friends and then a wallflower with others?

When it comes to hanging out with people, I wonder if we choose them based on how they make us feel or perhaps how they engage us. If we feel comfortable with them, then we probably don't mind hanging out with them whenever. If we feel bored or boring around them, then we probably don't want to hang out with them at all. I think it might also have to do with how the individual perceives you, which in turn affects how they treat you. When someone holds you in a certain regard and actively seeks your opinion, you feel that you matter. Knowing that you matter to someone on some level can be a foundation for friendships.

You notice how you only do certain things with certain friends. Just like there are foods that you only eat with certain people and there are places you only go with certain people. Even topics of conversation vary based on who you are hanging out with.

Ok... that's all I got.

hashbrowns

I got hashbrowns today. When I ordered, I asked the lady for one, not knowing that they came in pairs. There was a man next to me and he jumped in and said, "I'll take the other one!" I sort of chuckled at him, knowing full well that I was not about to give him my other hashbrown. He obviously didn't know who I was, nor the fact that eating is one of my hobbies.

So, I went and paid for my two hashbrowns and was about to make my exit. And the man stops me in my tracks and said, "I'm waiting. I'll take that hashbrown now."

Excuse me...

I could NOT believe that he was badgering me for my hashbrown. A stranger! I told him that I intended to eat both of them and left.

What was the man thinking? Sheesh, mister.

will you be my grandpa?

Today JO and NG were attempting to photocopy something. I was at my computer and JO comes to my desk and explains that only blank pages were coming out. So, being the copy saavy girl that I am, I went to assist.

Long story short, I got it to work. Afterwards, JO came up to me and said, "You proved my point. Men are stupid." He stands firmly by this opinion. Men just aren't as flexible in their thinking, JO said so and I have no choice but to accept the fact that I'm of the superior gender. :)

squirrel antics

I saw a squirrel with half a donut this morning. He scurried off - most likely to his cup of coffee. I think it might have been the same squirrel that had the chicken bone.

teeth brusher

Is it common for people to brush their teeth at work? I find it so bizarre. Every morning in the ladies room around 9am, it is a guarantee that you will encounter this old woman who I have dubbed the "teeth brusher". It's not a bad thing, she just makes me feel awkward. There is something disturbing to me about brushing teeth in a public bathroom, especially one in DC, where we have a lot of homeless people that like to hang out here. And having a toothbrush and toothpaste to carry could be a burden. My bag is heavy enough. Sheesh.

update on new guy

So, I had NG pegged as a bachelor. I already imagined his whole bachelor life, what his place looked like, what foods he eats, what he does at home...

Come to find out... he's married! I have already imagined a new version of NG. It is a much happier existence. Though I hate making assumptions, I believed that he was single because he didn't wear a wedding band (when does that become okay? does his wife not wear one either? are they in an open marriage? oh dear...). He is more or less put together, wears clothes that fit him, nothing too crazy. JO, who I believe is a bachelor, wears his own uniform, white shirt, black pants, brown belt. Very plain, sometimes a navy v-neck sweater. But yeah, NG doesn't wear the same outfit every day.

Today he said something quite shocking. We had a meeting about a higher-up who is returning from Rio and we were warned to watch out for her because she likes to yell. NG said to me, "If she yells at me, she has something else coming... a lawsuit." *gasp* NG, I had no idea.

We're getting a New New Guy next week, should be interesting, maybe? We'll see.

JO loves me

Today I had to switch teams for work. This involves switching locations and also leaving the co-workers that I've grown so accumstomed to working with. Our teams aren't fixed so we are shifted around quite a bit and the duration of the stints on one team vary depending on the workload.

Anyway, that's the background info. Here is the story.

As I was leaving to head over to Team 1, I told JO that I was leaving. He asked me why I was going over there and I informed him that Jefe told me that they needed me over there. It took a few seconds for it to sink in (JO is an old man after all... the processing capabilities are one of the many things that slow with age and I think he was actually cc'd on the email that Jefe sent me) and then he said, "But what about the jokes? Can we email jokes?"

It was so cute. He really acted as if his work day was going to change just because I wouldn't be there. He then said that he would just have to start talking to himself again. Yeah, JO totally satisfies my love of geriatrics.

no minutes

So, the alma mater just called. Asking for money, naturally. I let the kid talk for about 30 seconds...

Then, EUREKA! I got my excuse!

"Sorry, I don't really have any minutes."

you tell me...

How do you stay friends with someone you don't have anything in common with?

Over time, friendship becomes about sharing stories, sharing experiences, sharing life. It's nice to know you can just go over to someone's place and spend a lazy day together, running errands, chatting, etc. It isn't necessary to make a big to-do. A lot of friendship is about being accessible. Simple things like being around on a random night or picking up the phone at an important time are the moments that make a friendship.

Something that one of my friends recently mentioned to my roomie bothered me. She said that she has been out of contact with me as of late because all I ever talk about is J. I would be lying if I said J wasn't always on my mind (and for obvious reason, I believe), but I don't think that he is all I talk about. Her comment made me feel as if I am a boring individual... a virtual pod, which I don't think that I am. I am dismayed that my friend feels this way about me. Even if J is all I talk about, it's not like I don't allow my friends to get a word in. And I will readily engage in conversation about anything that they want to discuss. I believe I have a good gauge of the ongoings of most of my friends lives. Not only do I know the substance, but I have a pulse on the emotional and mental processes behind them as well. Let's face it, you'd be hard-pressed to find a friend as good as me. Hahahaha... i'll stop.

Looking at my recent blogs, I don't think I mention J all that much. Although anything about relationships may seem to link to J, I also think that the dynamics of relationships are one of my primary interests - family relationships, sibling relationships, romantic relationships, friend relationships, relationships between friends and significant others, etc.

Anyway, if you're reading this and you feel neglected by me or that I talk about J too much, let me know. I'll see what I can do to remedy the situation.

I called an old friend yesterday and we chatted briefly. I haven't talked to him in months and it was good to catch up a bit. I know for a fact that we didn't talk about J the entire time, especially since he had a lot of interesting things going on in his life to catch me up on. Yeah, so this is my life at the moment... if only I were so inspired to write about school library observations... ugh.

the waiting game

I've been toying with this blog for about a month now. I know the feelings that spawned these thoughts, but I am not sure what my point was, so I just decided to put it out there. *shrug*


How long does it take to know whether you love someone? Then what?

Idealistically, it would be an instantaneous thing. Boy meets girl. They fall in love. Get married. Make babies. But even when it is love at first sight, you have to ponder how long before you act upon it because you don't want to jump the gun or scare the other person off. And then you have to ask yourself, what are you waiting for if you already know that someone is "the One". What kind of action are you expected to take?

We can all think of couples that seem like they're ready to seal the deal and we wonder why they haven't gotten married yet. Perhaps one of the people in the relationship is calling the shots and they aren't ready. Maybe they live together despite the lack of a formal commitment and are waiting for other things to fall in place, finances, divorces, I don't know... I guess we learned from a very early age that "First comes love, then comes marriage..." but it's not that easy anymore. Now there are way too many options and other factors.

And then there's the whole other side of waiting for the next step - getting to know each other versus jumping into a relationship, not rushing, living together, etc. Everyone really operates by a different set of rules, timelines, and expectations. At this point, I think we've talked relationships into the ground, yet somehow the dynamic of relationships remains an ever-present topic of conversation. Even though every relationship is so unique, people are forever judging. I think one of the purposes of this blog was to attempt to figure out why, but I haven't found the answer yet.

Oh wait, I have other questions.

So, how much time do you give someone? If you think you're in love with them and they're in love with you, could you wait forever? Is that fair? I've done more than my fair share of waiting and often it was unclear what I was waiting for. Maybe sometimes it was waiting for someone to mess up or for someone to open up (including myself). I never waited idly, I tried to keep an open heart and an open mind constantly working towards some sort of goal (closing the achievement gap, world peace, finding a cure for breast cancer, etc.). Yeah, so I've had lots of practice in the waiting game. I started early (but that's another story). I'm actually on a wait currently, but this time with a much clearer vision ahead.

J$

I am always nervous to talk to J$. Perhaps I should explain who J$ is. J$ is a recruiter for the company I work for. From the beginning of our phone/email exchanges, I had a feeling that he had a crush on me. Anyway, he just sent me an email to call him. So, after about 15 minutes, I did. Turns out he was calling to ask whether I wanted to be considered for a job opening (where I would hopefully be making some more money and doing something a tad more interesting). We shall see where this goes... I have a phone interview with a potential boss tomorrow! Can't get my hopes up yet, but perhaps after the interview I'll get a call from J$ telling me I got the job.

"Lust, Caution" - but mostly Caution

I just saw the movie "Lust, Caution" this past Sunday. It has been a few years since I've seen a movie that left me so tense and riled up (that movie was "Unfaithful"). The entire plot was too much for me to digest. And set in such a tumultuous time, there was no way that I could relate. There is one extremely violent sex scene as well as other violent images and bloody scenes; other things to which I could not relate. I think that the movie was definitely worth watching, but I didn't think I would be so disturbed. I can't stand the built-up tension that I feel and then not having a release. I needed some serious warm and fuzzies after that flick.

Anyway, the movie made a recent conversation that I had with JO (70+ co-worker who says "effing" as well as "poo on that") very relevant. He said "the mind is not an infinite space." Then he began to discourse on how we should be wary of what we put into our minds - what information, visuals, etc. that we take in because they affect us at the subconscious level. He admitted to not watching tv for that reason alone. He is a firm believer in a simple way of life, avoiding unncessary complication and waste of the valuable space in his mind. I don't know how long he has been living his life this way, but he made it clear that it was a deliberate decision. He also urges me not to talk to him about anything remotely disturbing.

I was looking at a strange book about pests or something once and there was something about a rat coming out of a toilet. I asked JO if he ever had a rat come out of his toilet. He was startled as if he couldn't believe his ears. Once he realized what I said, he replied, "HT, don't tell me these things. I don't want those images in my head." Oh, JO. You are definitely the best part of work.

what happens in the ladies room

So, I'm in the doorway of the ladies restroom and I see the cleaning lady in there. She is short and a little chubby with dyed reddish/brown curly hair. She has her back to me, but then she turns around, so I say "Hi."

Then she says with the whole 'ese' headbob (not sure if that is universally recognized, but I have confidence in my audience), "It's closed."

screaming idiot

As I opened the door to go down the stairway in my apartment building, someone was coming up.

I was startled. I screamed. Really loud.

Right in my neighbor's face.

She then said, "I'm so sorry. I didn't know I was that scary." She was really nice about it.

Sorry neighbor.

I scream easily.

yellow tales

J sent me an email that his mom sent him. Here is the comical excerpt.

"HT and I e-mail each other regularly each week. She sent some good pictures of us when we were in Tenn. Quite naturally you and her picture were the first one in the photo book. Moma said ya'll favor and were the same complexion. Hopefully you two are not kin."

I think we're safe on that one. Unless J has some Chinese in him that he's not telling me about. I just thought it was funny that his grandma made that comment. Hilarious.

new guy

Work is still boring as ever, but my co-workers make things a bit more interesting.

The new guy is a tall, brown-haired, blue-eyed 40+ white man. I try my best to be nice to him but there has been no real rapport established. I have had more chats with this other guy though, B. He is my age and he has some witty things to say here and there.

Anyway, we had a meeting the other day. So, when it was about time to head over to the meeting I asked B if he was ready to go. B then asked New Guy if he was coming. New Guy got up as if he was going to follow us to the meeting. B and I got to the elevator and NG was nowhere to be seen. So, we headed off without him.

We lost NG. I guess he doesn't want to be our friend.

racial rejects

So, last weekend when Effie was visiting, she mentioned that she is a racial reject. Eureka!! Me too! We never really defined the term, so here is my attempt. A Racial Reject is someone who is not seen as _______ (fill in blank with the reject's racial group) enough for their cultural cohorts. I don't think white people can be RRs because they are in such a majority that they have plenty of subsets to choose from and other cultures who will accept them as the token white person in their group (or they could simply adopt aspects of a culture - music, food, language, etc.). No one will fault a white person for being interested in another culture as long as they aren't making a mockery of it, whereas anyone else's racial group will quickly spot a RR.

I was at dinner once with a bunch of my brother's friends and friends of friends. There was a kid there that didn't know me or my brother. Roomie and I ended up giving him a ride home and on the way, his impressions of me and my brother came out. Based on appearance, my brother looks a lot more "Asian" (ahem, fobbish) than I do. No one would spot my brother as a RR. However, my brother can not understand or speak any Chinese. The kid then said that I looked like I didn't speak Chinese. The kid had me pegged for an RR solely based on my appearance.

Knowing a language or any of the cultural norms is not what makes you part of your racial group. It is greatly dependant on appearance and your general life perspective.

I have made mention before about my lack of appeal towards Asian men. I'm missing Asian energy apparently. And I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I have a very non-traditional Asian household. My parents came from two different countries, met in America, rushed into marriage, had kids and then a messy divorce. My uber-traditional dad did not have a major role in my childhood and my mom ended up marrying a black man.

I was fortunate to grow up in a place where I was surrounded by different races and could always find at least one person who looked similar to me. Early on, I gravitated towards those people, but I wasn't exclusive. In middle school, I had my little Asian clique, which was mainly exclusive. That fell to the wayside in high school, though I still had a few Asian friends. In college, I remember thinking that all the Asian kids travelled around in huge packs wearing black and I didn't want to be a part of that. There was one Chinese girl who I befriended for a short while, but then I realized she was shady.

I think for a lot of Asian people (at least on the East Coast), going to college was the first time that there were pockets of Asians for them to befriend, so they immerse themselves into it. I had that exposure early on and didn't really feel as if I fit in that well. My Chinese speaking skills weren't very sharp and they seemed a lot more materialistic than me. I think in the back of my mind I knew that there were certain expectations that I couldn't live up to and also some that of which I was not aware.

No one wants to quantify their _______-ness. I think in Black culture, they are a lot harder on their RRs. Asian RRs don't have to confront that as often because there aren't as many Asian people around. There are also cultural differences. Black people will give looks and make comments about RRs, whereas Asian people will just avoid or ignore them. I'm not sure how one becomes a RR. Environment, interests, experiences?

A distinction needs to be made between RRs and people that have openly rejected their race (for example, the black person in the white greek organization). They have motives, unlike the RR. They might feel some sort of shame against their culture or perhaps they are trying to feel special in the sea of whiteness.

I think we have to have some sort of sympathy for the RR. We don't mean to defy the expectations, we just can't bring ourselves to succumb to them and not be who we are. It's an internal struggle. I mean, isn't it hard enough not to fit in? Can we fault the RR for being who they are? It's just not fair. I'm going to start a club. More to come later, hopefully.

where do they pick up these things?

Today, my 70+ Japanese co-worker came up to me and said, "I'm sick of these f-ing errors."

He didn't say the f-word, but just effing.

For clarification, he is not the fogie I complained about in a previous blog. That oldie actually got fired last week and he was Indian, I believe. He couldn't keep up, so they had to let him go. And, I think he was kind of lazy as well. We're getting a new guy next week. Should be interesting.

ain't a thing but a chicken wing

Did you know squirrels eat chicken bones?

Walking towards my apartment I saw a squirrel with something in its mouth climbing up a tree. It was a rather large object compared to what I imagine a squirrel to be carrying (y'know...small fruits and nuts). Once the squirrel got up the tree, he perched himself on a branch and lo and behold, he was gnawing on a chicken bone.

fogies

Sometimes old people are funny. They try to tell you how to do things, despite the fact that some of their techniques are completely outdated, prehistoric even. An older co-worker was trying to instruct me on how to fill out some sheet. Now, this is something that I've been doing for awhile now, and have had no complaints about until today. I made a minor mistake because some of the books were out of order and he proceeds to give me a 15 minute tutorial. I didn't mind, I'm at work, I've got time to kill. And I did learn about a few nuances that I didn't know before (space versus no space, all caps for months... really IMPORTANT stuff...). What I did mind, however was that he acted like he knew everything. And sorry, Mr. Man... you don't. I later had to correct a few mistakes that he had made, but I didn't feel the need to go over and give him a lecture about it. It's not my style. Hopefully, I won't become one of those old people.

do we know ourselves better when we're children?

The other day I met up with my best friend from first grade for dinner. Our friendship dwindled during high school and we grew apart. We didn't have a falling out or anything, we just ended up hanging out with different crowds. I am not sure what drew us to become friends initially. Perhaps I just wanted to have a friend who looked like me (she's 3/4 Chinese, 1/4 Native American). I am not sure if we had anything else in common. We always had fun when we hung out though.

As we caught up over dinner, we came to find out that our post-college lives have been quite similar. She served a year with AmeriCorps and she even considered a masters in library science at University of Maryland. Like me, she also considered being a school counselor. She has finally settled on starting her career in the field of social work - a field that I could have seen myself getting suckered into.

It's funny how our paths diverged so much during high school and then so shockingly close in our adult lives. In terms of post-college lives, I'd say none of my friends' lives are as similar to mine (with the exception for my Boston friends). So, perhaps in my early, early years, I was able to pick out like-minded individuals or maybe our childhood inclinations foretell a lot more about our adult personalities and interests than we think.

i've missed blogging and my roomie

Today Jefe mentioned that he had a truck of books about growing marijauna. I commented that my ex-boyfriend would have found that interesting. Then he said so would his ex-wife!!! It was jaw-dropping. I learned more about the ex-wife and the divorce drama today. So very interesting, so glad it's not my life. *whew*

Life is so different now, but also getting back to normal, if that makes sense. Roomie is back from Japan so there is someone else in this space again, which I missed (though I did enjoy the freedom of roaming around naked). It's good to have her back again. In our time apart, we have become altered individuals - her by a new and different culture and me by a new and different relationship. I would like to think that we are more balanced than we were before. We've found a center for ourselves in the post-ballet academy chaos.

We are both starting grad school this week so there is a whole new schedule to work out and roomie bonding time to coordinate. We will have to commence our chatting about life observations (our own lives and the lives others...) There is so much catching up to do, but as for me... I also have sleep to catch up on.

more awkwardness with jefe

So, my boss isn't in the best shape. Ok, he's kind of fat. The weird thing is how he mentions it all the time. He's constantly talking about how he needs to go on a diet or "get rid of this" while gesturing to his spare tire. I think he's a little obsessed with it. "I need to lose this so I can get dates. My friends say that women don't care and that I should lose the weight for myself, but that's my motivation."

So weird. I wonder how he got dates in the first place. He used to be married. So bizarre.

The book I'm currently reading is called The Golden Compass. It has an elaborate web of characters with a lot of underlying motives and schemes. In the dullness of my work environment I've begun to apply some of these traits to the people that I work with. There are the bad guys who mask themselves as nice guys and then the good person who is a martyr that the rest of them plot against. Of course, I'm rooting for the underdog, while having to put on my own mask for the bad guys. Yeah, work is really boring. I can tolerate it for the time being since I know that I will be in school soon (August 29th!!!) and I won't be here forever. At least I hope not!

divas in the moonlight

It's time for Girl Scout Camp again! Things got off to a rocky start because I'm a Bus Monitor for this camp on top of my Unit Leader duties. The bus arrived about an hour late so all my girls were already there waiting for me. I felt awful.

Anyway, my unit color is yellow and the girls decided that we should be "The Stars." I think it's cute.

One little girl in my unit is also a bus rider so she asked to sit with me on the bus. She's the cutest thing, olive skin and curly brown hair.

On the bus, we talked about a number of things, such as the Tooth Fairy and about why eating fruits and vegetables is good for you. She recently received $2 for a tooth. Inflation!!! I don't recall how much I received, but I want to say it was pocket change. Is $2 now pocket change or are little girls' teeth more valuable now than before? Hmm...



Another interesting topic that came up was religion. I'm not sure where it came from, but seemingly out of the blue, she said,

"God made us."

"Oh yeah? What else did he make?"

thinking "He made EVERYTHING."

"Where did you learn that?"

"Nowhere, I just always knowed."

It was pretty darn precious.

She is obviously one of my favorites, though she has some brat tendencies. She likes to take her time finishing things, so someone is always having to stay back with her or the whole group has to wait for her. Such a Diva... My other favorite so far is another little girl named Samantha. I'm not sure why I like her. She has a quiet demeanor, but not out of shyness. I think she is just very observant.

inspector ht

I was wearing purple latex gloves and learning about gaylords.

This is my life.