final day at the LOC

My time at the LOC is up. I'm moving on to greener pastures starting tomorrow. I will miss my co-workers. I had a going-away lunch today and it was simply very nice to chat with them. There is so little time for us to just sit and learn about one another and I think if there had been more opportunity for that, I may have enjoyed my job a little more.

Today JO bestowed a lovely gift of Girl Scout Samoas and macadamia nuts to me. We will hopefully reconvene at China Garden soon for dim sum. He is such an interesting man and he definitely makes the time pass at work when he tells his stories. He always says, "Oh, brother." And I always want to say, "Oh, sister," in response, although I've only been so bold as to do it twice. It makes me laugh.

He's quite a character. He's sort of fussy. One time recently, he was trying to send an email at exactly 5:00, but his email was acting up. He ended up sending it at 5:01 and you could see him getting flustered over this minute detail. He's great though. I might even go to one of those chamber music concerts with him. Or just stick to dim sum.

It feels really good to be moving on and doing something new.

Update on Easter Sunday - I didn't enjoy the service at the Chinese Community Church. I'm not sure what it's like on a non-holiday, but it wasn't hype enough for my taste (not that I REALLY need the flag-waving and running around filled with the spirit). I guess I was just looking for people that were more enthusiastic. People sitting behind me were sleeping! I am not sure how to tell Florence (lady I met on the metro) that I don't want to go back. I certainly can't continue going to that boring church!

miss me?

I think my blog has been missing me lately. And I've been selfish, keeping all my self amusement to... well, myself (and a few others). I've been busy and tired. I feel like I've been pretty active in terms of seeing people and things of that nature, which can be a task for me since I need my down time. Anyway, let's catch up.

I think Spring Cleaning has begun. I just put freshly laundered bedding on my bed. If someone walked in, they would have found me practically naked crawling inside of my duvet in order to get the comforter straightened out in there. Ridiculous, I know. Is there a better way to do it? Will someone enlighten me?

Tomorrow is Easter. I think the last time I went to church might have been Easter, two years ago. Sad, I know. Luckily, this year I met a nice lady on the metro this past Thursday who asked me to come to church with her. I think it'll be neat. She's from Malaysia, so her accent is similar to that of my family in Singapore. Something about her seemed familiar, but maybe it was just the fact that she's Chinese. We'll be going to the Chinese Community Church in Chinatown tomorrow. I enjoy meeting strangers. Even if it's only a brief interaction, I think they are sent for a reason.

I think a lot of my random pondering will cease soon because of the new job. I'm happy about this because I need new stimulation. I'm nervous to start this job and also extremely excited for a new challenge. I start on Wednesday!

Alright... I'm going to relax with some ice cream and scrapbooking.

last week @ the LOC

I put in my two weeks notice and JO is totally sad-faced. Every time he passes my desk at work, he makes a sad face. Him and another lady at work said they were going to beat me up since I was making them feel sad. They're cute. I feel bad for leaving, but it has to be done. I was really tired of my job. They got a good eight months out of me. *sigh* I hope that this is the right decision and from where I'm sitting, I think it will be.

stupid love

Infatuation clouds your head. I think it is especially difficult when you have someone avidly wooing you - saying all the right things, pulling all the right moves, etc. This is how we get tricked! You fall so hard because you have this person who is making you their world and it feels good and even if all rationality tells you that it's wrong, something inside of you convinces you that it just might be right. We'll overlook traits and characteristics that we had on our "wish lists" because the euphoria of infatuation makes those things seem so insignificant.

I was tricked with BB. I've been reading my diary from when I was dating him and I'm seeing that I was so blind. The things that I thought I loved about him weren't really him. He told me once that when he was with me, he felt like he was an actor in some romantic movie. Huh? What does that even mean? That should have been a red flag to me that he wasn't being himself with me. In my diary I wrote, "Things with BB are weird. We barely talk... I feel like our chats lack substance/quality... I want us to really become immersed in each other's lives... I just haven't been doing a great job of including him." Actually, I really had been trying to include him, but like my roommates at the time mentioned, he had no personality. Well, he did have a personality, it was just a lame one. And he was really materialistic as well, which was something that I always knew was in his nature.

When I wrote about BB in my diary, I was always saying how I hoped this, hoped that and I also mentioned how I was afraid of getting hurt. I got over BB rather quickly. He said and did a lot of things to hurt me and then seemed to forget that he did those things. I guess being bipolar will do that to you.

Roomie was somewhat tricked with um... the Egg Dropper. Yes, he dropped scrambled eggs on our floor and when she pointed it out to him, he said, "Why didn't you clean it up?" If you don't see anything wrong with that picture, I can't help you. Looking back on her relationship she can site a bazillion red flags.

Every relationship needs some re-evaluation. And I think it's always important to examine anyone's motives for a relationship. Security? Boredom? Convenience? Ideally, not good reasons to be in a relationship. You always hear the phrase "the right reasons," but what are they? We can usually pin down the wrong ones, but the "right" ones don't seem as simple to put a finger on. "Love" just seems too vague. Just because you love someone doesn't mean that you should be with them because sometimes it's not enough, especially if you don't love yourself or if you have any other looming problems or issues.

This reflection on the past is my way of checking myself in my current relationship. I need to see that this time it is different than with my past relationships. And so far, it is. I don't ever want to look back on this relationship and question the authenticity of my emotions or my assessment of J's character. If there are red flags, I don't want to ignore them. I'd want to instead address them.

It's almost midnight... I just wanted to get some of these thoughts down and to hear what anyone else has to say. I'm curious. Let me know. :)

like my heart is being ripped in two

I had a dream about my grandma last night. I was on a trip somewhere and had missed my flight so I was trying to get in contact with my grandma, but the only way I could do so was through IM. How that worked, I'm not sure, since she was illiterate and non-English speaking. It was a jarring slap in the face to wake up around 6 am and realize that she isn't alive anymore. In my dream I could feel her presence so strongly. It's been almost three years since she passed away, six years since I've seen her, and twelve years since I've heard her voice. The last time I saw her, I was in Singapore for about a week. Every day I was there, the only thing I wanted to do was to go to the nursing home where she was staying and just be close to her. At that point in her life, she couldn't speak anymore. I don't really know why. I'll never forget the moment she saw me though. She didn't know that I was going to be in Singapore, and when I showed up at her bedside her eyes lit up in surprise and disbelief. She couldn't speak to me, but I knew everything in her heart, just the same. I remember holding on to her hand and wanting to just stay like that forever.

I think this was on my mind because my cousin asked me what my grandma's favorite food was. I miss my grandma and I often wonder how different life would be if she didn't go back to Singapore when I was 13. I wish that I could have seen her one last time before she passed away. I guess the only place I really can see her now is my dreams. And though it breaks my heart when I wake up in the morning, feeling her love so closely to the point where I think she is alive, is worth it.

lunch on the outside

I went to Starbucks for lunch today and saw a man wearing a bright green suit with yellow question marks. I want to say he had yellow Crocs on as well. Anyway, I didn't really think anything of it. I thought he was doing a promo. Hahaha. Anyway, my co-worker pointed out that he does commercials for government loans or something. She's also the one that took the picture. That's my second quasi-celebrity sighting this week! Hmm... who will I see next?

channeling blue skies

I am back from Miami. Although, the skies aren't blue here, the temperature is better than it was when I left, so I'm in good spirits. I think South Becah is the only place in the United States (where I would vacation) that feels like another country, very European. It's beautiful there. From the beaches, to the buildings, to the bodies. It's almost disgusting really. It's not so much an ostentatious display of wealth, like in some places, more flaunting the body and I definitely envy the leisure and ease of the lifestyle.

There is something in the water there that makes women tall, beautiful and oozing glamour. It can be a bruise to the ego, but I think I just accepted it and observed it like the social scientist that I am. It's more than obvious that I didn't belong there.

Miami was a great getaway. We got a little, yellow Pontiac as our rental. It was highly economical even though we got jacked in our first valet experience in Miami. It was $24 to park at the Shore Club! I suppose that could be worthwhile to someone who was there for an entire day, but we were only there for dinner. *sigh* You live and learn.

I wish we took more pictures, but I didn't quite have the bronze glow that I had hoped to achieve. And I don't think we really wanted to look any more like tourists than we already felt. Ooh! We had a celebrity sighting! We decided it was not a good look to approach him during his dinner.

The beach was about half a block from the hotel. It was heavenly when the clouds weren't blocking the sun. I even went into the water a bit. It wasn't that cold. I would say definitely warmer than the beaches in San Diego at this time of year, but then again maybe living in perfect weather makes you soft. That might just be it.

I'm sorry if this blog is all over the place. I'm just in an early afternoon euphoria. I got my first facial yesterday. It didn't change my life. It was an all natural spa. I guess I'll go for the chemicals next time and to a spa that's closer to home. :)

I have a thing for Odwalla bars now. They are about $1.50 a pop, I haven't decided how I feel about that yet. I haven't tried their smoothies, though I've heard that they are pretty good. Those are really pricey.

When I got on the flight from Atlanta to DC, I realized that my traveling companion is my roommate. I had forgotten that I live with her. We rarely see each other and she'll be gone this upcoming weekend!

Yeah, so that was my weekend. Time to get back to work!