I've felt oddly disengaged from some of my friends. They've talked to me about what I've found to be immensely trivial things while I'm having these life epiphanies left and right and trying to make sense of the big picture. I feel as if some of them haven't really been there for me as of late.
I rationalize my feelings and in an instant, they're gone. Once I'm no longer swept up in them, I no longer feel the need to share them with everyone. I'm not really the type to reach out. I'm almost more comfortable divulging to someone who I don't know as well.
I don't like talking about my feelings. I don't really know how to be emotional, so when I am, it is surreal to me. I almost hate it when it happens because I feel like I have no control. There are just some very glaring triggers that I seem to have and no matter how many times I deal with or discuss some things, I seem incapable of holding myself together. The moments where I display overwhelming emotion are brief and I can probably count on one hand how many people have been witnesses to them.
Among my friends I feel like I am more of the listening ear and the one that they come crying to. Most of the time when I'm dealing with a problem, I will typically deal with it on my own. I don't think my friends are as accessible as I am. I think I make myself pretty available to them.
Anyway, that's not really the point. There is some sort of vulnerability that I feel uncomfortable displaying and maybe I'm ultimately questioning the genuine concern of some of my friends. *shrug*
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