thoughts before bed

I don't know what triggered these thoughts, but in the tangled ball of yarn that I call my mind, I began thinking about how much I loved the afterschool center that I had hoped to work at in conjunction with the ballet academy. There was such a remarkable sense of community at this place and the children made you feel loved and in turn you loved them and in turn I loved that place. I went in there with reservations because I was nervous about how I would be received by this predominately black community. Going in there and seeing some of the people that were going to be my co-workers I was a little intimidated because I didn't think that I had a whole lot in common with them, but I realized that it didn't matter because we were united by the fact that we had those children in our hearts.

The ballet academy is not a place I love. I do not feel loved there and at times I don't even feel respected. It's not something I care to bring up because I feel like none of it can be fixed. I just have to make the most of the few good relationships I have there. The kids are intolerable at times, demanding, two-faced - honestly, plain ugly.

The middle schoolers are going through a disturbing phase in their lives - cliques. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with cliques, but in a school so small, making anyone feel like an outsider leaves them with no one. I definitely had my cliques, but I don't ever recall making people cry, or at least not intentionally. Why are girls this way? And how is it changed? I am not sure anything can be done, they just have to grow up, I guess.

How did I end up on this topic? I was originally thinking about how much I loved the Beacon House and now I'm thinking about how much I hate those kids. Ugh... Today was a nice day off. I really don't want to go back. *sigh* Just gotta make it through Friday so I can get some breathing room again.