back to my senses

I bought the Chris Brown tickets... because I'm an idiot. And now, I'm going to try to sell them. I'm done obsessing, or at least I hope. Something took over my brain and nobody talked me out of it! Nobody had the right words to convince me of my stupidity. I already needed the intervention when I was writing that last blog.

I realized that there are other things I can spend my money that would make me 10 times more happy than watching an 18 year old sing and gyrate. Yeah... he gyrated. And I liked it, but I've moved on. I still have to sell those tickets though... so, if you know anyone with $200 that loves Chris Brown...

chris brown again

So, Chris Brown will be in town again next month. I really want to go. Like I said, I did not get enough the first time. Tickets go on sale in an hour.
The problem is:
1. I don't have anyone to go with since my best Chris Brown fan is broke.
2. I really shouldn't overextend my funds in this way.

I don't know why I'm so obsessed. I don't think this is out of hand yet, but maybe after this concert (if I actually go), I will need some intervention. Yeah.

because you're worth it...

One of my friends received a mini cooper convertible for Christmas from her boyfriend. She's been wanting one and saving up for awhile now, so I am certain the gift means a lot to her.

Of course I was thrilled for her, but I could not accept a gift like that from a boyfriend, even if I knew we were going to spend the rest of our lives together. I guess a gift like that does not seem justified to me. I've always felt this way about gifts (though I have never received a gift on that level nor have any aspiration to). I've forced more than one gift to be returned. I am not sure why. Perhaps I don't feel as if I am deserving.

E and I were talking about that tonight. Not pertaining to gifts exactly, but about being deserving in relationships. She has a wonderful man in her life who simply adores her and has gone to great lengths to treat her like a queen. She is a great person in so many ways and I think that her guy is really lucky, yet somehow she feels undeserving. I know I've felt this way before, but I got over it. I think F feels this way sometimes too and I am not sure why some girls can't accept the love, attention, devotion, etc. that is lavished upon them. Is it insecurity? low self-esteem? hurt from past relationships? It is probably a combination of all those things and then some. How do we overcome these issues? What does a man have to do to make a girl feel as if she is worthy of his love and affection?

Anyway... on another note, I'd like to modify my recent comments on Katie Holmes. She is starring in a new comedy with Diane Keaton and Queen Latifah. She's bringing some spunk and the movie looks kinda funny. It is definitely not a role I would ever imagine her in and it is not a side of her we see in the tabloids either. Yeah, so I have been pleasantly surprised. Go Mrs. Tom Cruise!

chris brown

I took KW to dinner and then the Chris Brown concert last night for her birthday. Unlike the R. Kelly concert, I was not quite satisfied. I didn't get enough of that 18 year old. He did sing my favorite song from his latest CD though. That was quite the performance... yeah.

When we first got there, we saw a bunch of teeny-boppers. It was overwhelming. We were surrounded. They had all these glow stick and light twirly things and of course the requisite screaming and pandemonium (which we admittedly joined in on when Chris came out... but we weren't as continuous). The concert started at 7:30 with Sean Kingston, and all those horrible Soulja Boy(s), Pet Shop Boys, and then Bow Wow. We didn't really know very many of the songs that they performed. Needless to say, our ripe old age of 25 was showing. That Soulja Boy is so disgusting. He humped the stage and it was NOT sexy in the least. He's a twig and he had these HUGE green balloon pants that he could barely keep on. Ick.

Chris came out around 10 and put on an outstanding performance. I won't go into detail because KW went into a lot of detail with her boyfriend and his panties got in a bunch. So, I think I'll just say that young Chris is in his prime now.

unreal

What happened to the sarcastic, witty, and real Joey from Dawson's Creek that we all knew and loved? I like babies and cookies too, but I'd like to keep my identity. How and when do women once so awe-inspiring become so boring and vomit-worthy? Is this what men do to women? Is this what men want? She is stunning and I'm sure she's a great wife and mother, but I don't think she'll ever be anything else not if she stays with Tom anyway. This was her dream come true and Tom Cruise was her perfect knight in shining armor. She's just a trophy wife now, I guess. It's almost a disgrace. She should not be allowed to talk to the media, just photographed. This is just embarassing.

All I can think is that Tom Cruise is a sick, sick man to accept a woman like that.

shoe power

i'm wearing my new shoes today. big mistake. i just got here and i already have a blister on my pinky toe and i can feel one forming on the ball of my other foot.

it's not even a high heel. i don't know what has happened to me. i used to wear stilettos twice this high traipsing all through Boston. now i'm in pain over some 2-inch wedges!

anyway, it's amazing how two inches can make you feel so different. i usually wear flats, loafer-type shoes, or sneakers to work, so these shoes exaggerate my already seductive strut (hahahaha). Here is a conversation that ensued as i walked past (don't be jealous, J).

guy 1: There's a sexy little Chinese girl here
guy 2: Yeah, I saw her walk by

i don't know if they were talking so that i would overhear or if they were dense. i just pretended to not pay them any attention. but yeah... this is the power of shoes (until my strut turns into a hobble, of course).

charlie

The world lost an incredible man this past Sunday. He was the principal of the school that I worked at in Boston, but to many others, he was so much more. He touched the lives of everyone he encountered in a meaningful way.

I still remember the first time I met him. He made me fall in love with the school. I knew that with a man like him as its leader, the school undoubtedly had to be a success and I longed to be a part of it. He gave me an indescribable sense of hope because of his dedication. He screened me like I was going to be entrusted with his children, in his heart that was what he was doing, yet still found a way to connect with me and make me feel special. He had a way about him, all the right things to say: words of encouragement, words of comfort, words of discipline. And listeners valued and took to heart every single word.

I know many stand in awe of Charlie, yet he was always so humble. He always saw the best in those around him and not only that, he saw all the potential as well. He truly made a difference in the lives of others and I know every one of those kids that went to that school loved him. Charlie was no ordinary man.

article from the Boston Globe

JO knows

Yesterday, we had a farewell lunch for Jefe. It was rather uneventful and three times longer than my usual lunch break, but whatever.

I just had to make note of what JO ate. This was kind of my biggest intrigue going into the restaurant. What does JO eat? I know he keeps things like pretzels and oatmeal bars in his desk, but I've never seen him eat lunch.
So... for lunch he ordered... drumroll please...

Hummus. It came with pita bread and a couple carrot sticks.

Kinda weird, eh? Is that enough sustenance? Or maybe Americans eat waaaay too much. Yeah, I think that might actually be it. I'm going to stop overeating... or at least curb the habit a little. It doesn't really feel good to eat such large portions, y'know? Yep, JO knows all and I hope he has more knowledge to impart on me.

is it wrong?

I got an A on my class presentation, make that a 192/200. I got 196/200 on my paper, so the 192 was a bit of a letdown. I thought the presentation went well and I suppose my grade indicates as much, but the comment she had about my presentation was that my "style was a bit informal." I was acting out different things, using my usual hand gestures and language.

I guess it was true to who I am. My voice and style doesn't really rise to a formal tone in any certain situation. I prefer to keep things low-key and casual, fun, if you will. :) This isn't true just for presentations. I'm even this way when talking to God. It's very casual. I don't pull out fancy vocabulary or elaborate metaphors. I just talk to him in the same way I talk to anyone else. It's more comfortable that way, when you don't have to worry about what you're saying.

I know there are people out there that are very good at accomodating to various situations, I'm not one of them. Perhaps this is something to work on. Is this a part of growing? Role-playing? I don't think I was too gifted with this as a kid not am I comfortable with it now. Hmm... :(

Yesterday was my last class of the semester. We had dinner as a class and it was alright, I suppose. There are some individuals in the class who I thought were great and truly enjoyed, but then there were some that I found really annoying and for no particular reason. I was sitting next to and across from two of those people last night. I engaged them in conversation and asked them questions about themselves, but I couldn't shake the contempt that I felt for them from my mind. That's evil, isn't it? Even though I don't really like them, I still have a curiousity about them. Is that strange? Being intrigued by people you dislike... ?? Maybe I am trying to find reasons to like them or perhaps reasons to support my dislike. Hmm... yeah, maybe that's it.

So, these are some of my personal quandaries. Is it just me or does someone else get what I'm saying?

i'm curious

Ok, let's say you're in a public restroom and you just made stink. Maybe you're at the sink washing your hands when someone walks in. They are reaching for the handle of the stall that you just came out of. Would you warn them? Why or why not? What would you do? What would you want someone else to do, if the roles were reversed?

What do you do when you go into a stall that stinks and the person who just came out of it is still in the restroom and can see you leave the stall? Is that an insult?

Hahahaha... let me know.

late night

"Fords, Hondas, Chevys, Beemers and minivans. Over 600 cars, trucks, SUVs, are you listening, man? At Eastern Motors, your jobs your credit..."

This would be my celebratory song and dance after finishing my paper, courtesy of my brother. After we finished singing he said, "You sing AWESOME!" (I had asked him if he thought I was a good singer... kind of today's theme, which I'll have to get to later).I think the Eastern Motors commercial is a DC Metro area thing along with the "Kiss my bumper" guy. Does anyone remember that?

E got a new car recently. Not from Eastern Motors. Hers is actually new and a hybrid to boot!

Anyway... I'm excited about finishing my final. I turn it in tomorrow at class, which is being held at a brewery. Not really an official class, you can assume.

I feel like I've had lots of thoughts to blog today, but they might have to wait for another time. Don't worry, they'll come soon. I have drafts to job my memory. :)

crazy love...

Hi. I'm HT and I'm a romantic.

For awhile, I didn't think I would ever do the boyfriend/girlfriend thing. Beyond all rationalization, I just thought that some wonderful man was going to turn to me one day and propose, perhaps from friend to fiance. I also always believed that when I met the man that I would spend the rest of my life with, I would know it instantaneously. I believed that there would be butterflies and fireworks; that things would just click and there would be magic.

The first time I met J was not like that. I don't remember when I met J. I know it was at Wake Forest and through our mutual friend Billiam, but I didn't even remember J as having a personality. I'm still not convinced that he had one until we graduated.

When I met J the second time, it went a little differently, but I won't go into that right now.

Love is supposed to be easy and for me one kiss can tell you whether someone is right for you as well as determine the course of an entire relationship. I believe that true love sustains itself and in my ideal relationship, the butterflies are always there and looking at that person always feels like the first time. I think loving is about compromising on standards that you thought were set in stone and being changed by another person. And though I've decieved myself in the past, I believe with all my heart that "sometimes you just know."

"If you wanna know, if he loves you so. It's in his kiss."

Set games and platonic relationships

So, let me tell you what my life has come to...

I am now having daily Set competitions with Mike. We do the daily puzzle and compare our times. It's definitely a way to make work a little more interesting. So, all the way from Philly, Mike is keeping me entertained. Mike doesn't do anything all day and I'm just bored, so I guess it makes sense. He's keeping track of our times supposedly, so I will spare you the details in my blog.

The other day, F was reading Mike's blog and she asked me why Mike and I never dated. First of all, we've each had long-term hookups with each other's friends BEFORE we even really knew each other, so there is a certain level of discretion that has already been breached. Second of all, I don't think we would have cute children. So really, what's the point? Anyway, this got me thinking about platonic relationships.

I'm not sure what it takes to to have close platonic (free from sexual desire, in case that was unclear for anyone) male friends. For most, in order to have a successful platonic relationship with someone, it requires for one of the parties to be in a non-platonic relationship with someone else, so perhaps that is a contributing factor. I guess I am just mindful of boundaries and cognizant of what I want out of a relationship. I think about the big picture and realize that in the grand scheme of things, certain individuals are only meant to be friends and that the friendship is more valuable to me than one too many drinks leading to an awkward morning after or something to that effect, ultimately jeopardizing the friendship.

Purely platonic guy friends are hard to come by because 1) they have probably had thoughts of getting into your pants 2) you have sought them for the comfort that only the opposite sex can provide and 3) people lose better judgement when they are lonely, horny, drunk,or tired.

We need those friends of the opposite sex. They give you something that same sex friendships can't provide (and same-sex friendships give you something that opposite-sex friendships can't provide as well!), such as reassurance about what a great catch you are and insight into the psyche of the opposite sex. It's just a different type of exchange that I think has been very healthy for me and I think others as well. I'd like to think my guy friends (or at least Mike) enjoy my company and think that I have more to offer as a friend than as a hookup. Maybe it's not for everyone. *shrug* Maybe we just need to go into relationships with boundaries already defined so that we don't deal with the drama of confusion and mixed signals. Maybe we should just forget relationships entirely and just have daily set competitions. Any other ideas?

oh nuts...

I'm thinking about nuts today.

I just had to google walnuts and pecans because I forgot what makes them different from one another. I don't really like walnuts all that much, nor pecans. I think walnuts are just ugly pecans, not that pecans are that pretty.

My favorite nuts are actually brazil nuts, but they aren't that popular because nobody does anything special with 'em. They are beauts though, in and out of the shell. The flesh is so smooth and the shell is real tough with a bark-like texture that is such an inviting brown color. Anyway...

Walnuts are famous in brownies. Pecans are good for pecan praline ice cream and pecan sandies. Almonds are used with just about everything. Macademia nuts are usually covered in chocolate and popular because of Hawaiians. Pistachios are good for ice cream (Ben and Jerry's Pistachio, Pistachio is great... though I spit out the actual nuts). And Peanuts... well, I don't even need to talk about peanuts.

Chestnuts are good too. Mmm... especially roasted. We used to have a chestnut tree in front of our house. Mmm... they aren't really your typical nut though, are they?

What was my point?

backburner

Why is it that there are some guys (perhaps girls do it too, but I've no examples at the moment) out there that think they can keep you waiting on the backburner forever? At least two if not three of my nearest and dearest are/were in this situation and I've experienced it myself. I think a lot of times the guys aren't ready or maybe there are times when we're the ones who are not ready. So maybe there are huge issues with timing. It's been said on many occasions, "If me and X ever get back together, it's over (as in, we're getting married - game over)."

As much as we want to hold on to our ideals of the happy ending with our "first love" there comes a time when you have to move on. You think you'll never love anyone the way you love X and though that might be true, new love that comes along can be just as good and even more fulfilling. These new people know what they want (namely you... and isn't it amazing to be wanted in that way?) and go to inconceivable lengths to attain it while making it so organic and easy at the same time. They persist, they flirt, they woo you and sweep you off your feet. They break your "rules" and they win your heart. And what a relief to not be left guessing someone's feelings, thoughts, or intentions!

I think the backburner guys think they have the upper-hand on any new guy that comes along. And in some ways they do. They have history, comfort, and of course all the emotions on their side. They had you once and they think that they can have you again, but as the stress, pain, and anguish stack up, you realize that you going back to them requires a lot more from them than they are capable of investing. And maybe it is circumstances beyond their control that are keeping them from pursuing you, but waiting for the grand gesture is exhausting. When something new comes along, something simple and untainted with any of the heartache, it's like coming alive again. And maybe that's when we discover that on the backburner isn't where we want to be nor is it a place we ever belonged.

winter apparel

As the weather has gotten colder, I've wondered to myself what JO was going to wear to keep warm. He had been wearing a trench coat for a little while now, but I knew a trench would not suffice through the winter. I hypothesized that he would have a dark wool coat. And today, my hypothesis was confirmed.

He commented that his coat is older than I am. It's still in good shape though. I'm always excited to see new items in JO's wardrobe. It really is a uniform. Maybe I should have a work uniform too. It would make things so much easier. I could employ similar layering techniques as JO as well. Turtleneck, dress shirt, sweater... trench or wool coat. Pants, belt, shoes.

I asked JO today if he wore a hat. And he said, "I suppose I should, but that's just another thing to lose." I told him how I lost my glove and he was so genuinely concerned. I told him I got it back and he told me I was lucky. I'd buy a hat for JO, but what kind of hat would he wear? Maybe Sherlock Holmes style hat? Do they make those anymore?

good things for good people

My roomie is in LOVE! That's right folks, Ms. Independent-I-Wanna-Live-in-Japan-I-Don't-Need-to-Live-with-my-Husband-I-Don't-Believe-That-Love-Can-Last is in love. She's so smitten. She said, "I was up at 4am and excited about it because of him." It's enough to bring a tear to my eye. My flirtatious, fickle roomie is naming babies with the best of 'em now. Hahahaha.

And, I'd like for her to eat her words... all of them, but I know she won't, only some of them. Don't think I was unaware of your doubts and skepticism, Miss! I'm glad you got bit by the love bug. And I'm so happy that you're experiencing all these feelings. I'll find someone else for MM, maybe someone who's reading this. Any takers?

I passed along a friend's resume to my supervisor this week and guess what? She got the job! I am excited to be working with someone I know. And I'm excited that she's getting a better-paying job because I think she deserves it. It's about time! I hope she doesn't regret taking the job though because it's not always loads of fun. Um... yeah, it can be pretty boring. Working with me, however, easily anyone's dream. :)

"Let's go have that wreckless love, that love crazy, that off the wall won't stop 'til I get enough kind of love" - Alicia Keys

I love Fridays!!!

1. I found my glove! It was sitting on the security person's podium. Eureka!

2. J is back from nabbing bad guys (or, so I believe...) and we had some IM love (nothing dirty... though I'm sure he would have liked that).

3. I see P and N today!

fascinating books

Today I came across a book of pet names. It listed pet names alphabetically and by sex. The first two sentences of the introduction follow.

How does one choose a name for a pet?

Some people like to choose a name based on the physical characteristics of the pet - "Spot," or "Whitey," or "Stubby."

I can't believe this was published. So ridiculous.

foiled again

I wanted to flush out my system today because I have not been putting good things into my body. I had some cereal this morning, a sandwich at lunch (definitely nowhere near the typical amount of food consumed at work) and TONS of water. I decided that I could use some more calories, so I picked up some cookies. Uncle Al's Duplex Cremes, $1 from the vending machine. When I had three cookies left, I checked the nutrition facts.

Serving Size: 3 cookies
Servings Per Container: About 5
Total Fat: 4.5 grams

Jinkies!!! That comes out to be about 20 grams of fat. Ewwwww... so much for flushing out my system.