When J went to take the trash out yesterday, he ran into an Indian guy who was coming into our hallway. He appeared skittish and acted like he was going to leave. When the guy saw that J was going out a different door, he continued to T3. As J was coming back from taking out the trash, the guy left looking all around like he was afraid of being seen. It doesn't seem like he made it into our neighbor's. I guess he got cold feet.
Today, there was a notice on their door. It was a "Summons for Unlawful Detainer." This was the information that I found. Pretty interesting, eh? Looks like our apartment community might be on to them as well...
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Thursday, September 10, 2009
basement brothel part 2
So, it's 9 pm on a Thursday night and someone just knocked on the door. A man.
J opened it and the guy said, "Sorry, I must have the wrong address."
Talk about awkward! What if I had opened the door? I guess I should have to see what he said! And I could then ask him what was going on over there. But would he even tell me?!
My suspicions must be true. I just need that confirmation. Well, looks like I have at least another month to figure it out.
J opened it and the guy said, "Sorry, I must have the wrong address."
Talk about awkward! What if I had opened the door? I guess I should have to see what he said! And I could then ask him what was going on over there. But would he even tell me?!
My suspicions must be true. I just need that confirmation. Well, looks like I have at least another month to figure it out.
are you my mother?
Today I tried on dresses with E, K and my mom. Despite numerous phone calls and text messages, I have not heard from my mom since the week I got back from Australia. Or at least that's how it seems. And I hadn't seen her since the end of July. It is now September. She doesn't live that far away, but we never see each other because she doesn't seem to know how to call me or answer her phone.
I just feel really frustrated with her at the moment. She's in the process of moving right now, so I guess I should cut her some slack. I will be going over there this Saturday to help her and to also get some of my things.
I just want her to be more involved with my life and it seems like she's slipping farther and farther away and now she'll actually be even farther away distance wise. I just don't know what my expectations are of her anymore. I feel like she doesn't really know me, but I still value her opinion more than most other people.
While I was in Australia, my cousin Christina told me all about my mom's life - stuff that was a mystery to me, stuff that my mom had been keeping from me even when I asked her bluntly about it. I hate that my mom doesn't feel the need to tell me things about her life. *sigh* Maybe I'll finally meet her "boyfriend" on Saturday, since he's probably helping her move. With my luck, I'll probably show up to an empty house.
I just feel really frustrated with her at the moment. She's in the process of moving right now, so I guess I should cut her some slack. I will be going over there this Saturday to help her and to also get some of my things.
I just want her to be more involved with my life and it seems like she's slipping farther and farther away and now she'll actually be even farther away distance wise. I just don't know what my expectations are of her anymore. I feel like she doesn't really know me, but I still value her opinion more than most other people.
While I was in Australia, my cousin Christina told me all about my mom's life - stuff that was a mystery to me, stuff that my mom had been keeping from me even when I asked her bluntly about it. I hate that my mom doesn't feel the need to tell me things about her life. *sigh* Maybe I'll finally meet her "boyfriend" on Saturday, since he's probably helping her move. With my luck, I'll probably show up to an empty house.
Wednesday, September 09, 2009
third times the charm... hopefully
House-Hunting: Even before J got a job, we had been looking at potential homes. Of course E wanted us to stay in C'ville forever and ever, but we finally did venture beyond the 20121 zip code. Since moving to Tysons, we started to check out some other areas and once J got his job offer, we were ready to start looking more seriously. We've already put in two offers on places in Centreville. Neither worked out. The third offer we put in was for a place in Fairfax. It looks like third time will be the charm! The house is old, as in built in the days of lead-paint possibly. That will be checked out during the home inspection, among other things. Then there is also the appraisal process, so it will still be a few weeks before we know for sure whether we will be moving there or not. The place is about mid-way between J's job and my job and it has 3 bedrooms and 3 full baths and tons of space. The only thing it's really lacking is outdoor living space, but hopefully there is enough for J and his grill to be reunited.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
two years...
My dad has mentioned to me a few times that my god-cousin, Allen, had a brain tumor. He would ask me if I had heard any word of whether Allen had passed away or not. Growing up, my mom, grandmother, brother and I would go to visit Allen's family in North Carolina a lot. I can remember spending short weekends there as well as entire summers.
Allen was some years older than me. He got married when I was in the 11th grade. That was the last time I saw him.
Today, I went over to my cousin Cathy's to pick up some pictures that my uncle had set aside for me. While I was over there, my uncle told me that Allen passed away two years ago. I didn't know how to respond, though I was already given some warning via my dad. I guess I knew it was a strong possibility. I just can't believe he died two years ago.
My mom has grown so distant from the people that she was once close to, which is probably why we didn't find out about Allen. My cousin, Christina, gave me some insight on that while I was in Australia. I guess it's a lot of cultural and "adult" stuff that I wouldn't understand or stuff that my mom doesn't think I would understand. Come to think of it, two years ago was also right around the time my step-dad passed away.
I guess sometimes we don't know how to reach out when our loved ones are what we need.
Allen's parents helped shape my childhood. I spent summers in their restaurant clearing tables, peeling potatoes, wrapping eggrolls, etc. They helped my family a lot through the whole messy divorce between my parents. I feel devastated that I was not there for them in their time of grief. I hate that we've lost touch with them, but I'm not sure how to get back in touch again.
Allen was some years older than me. He got married when I was in the 11th grade. That was the last time I saw him.
Today, I went over to my cousin Cathy's to pick up some pictures that my uncle had set aside for me. While I was over there, my uncle told me that Allen passed away two years ago. I didn't know how to respond, though I was already given some warning via my dad. I guess I knew it was a strong possibility. I just can't believe he died two years ago.
My mom has grown so distant from the people that she was once close to, which is probably why we didn't find out about Allen. My cousin, Christina, gave me some insight on that while I was in Australia. I guess it's a lot of cultural and "adult" stuff that I wouldn't understand or stuff that my mom doesn't think I would understand. Come to think of it, two years ago was also right around the time my step-dad passed away.
I guess sometimes we don't know how to reach out when our loved ones are what we need.
Allen's parents helped shape my childhood. I spent summers in their restaurant clearing tables, peeling potatoes, wrapping eggrolls, etc. They helped my family a lot through the whole messy divorce between my parents. I feel devastated that I was not there for them in their time of grief. I hate that we've lost touch with them, but I'm not sure how to get back in touch again.
Monday, August 17, 2009
basement brothel
The day I started moving in to my new apartment, I noticed something strange. The apartment across the hall housed at least 2-3 Asian women who seemed to receive a lot of male visitors. In fact, on that first day, in a half hour span, two different middle-aged men knocked on the door and were let in.
Before I left for Australia, I commented to J that I thought they were prostitutes. He knows I enjoy making outlandish observations, but while I was in Australia, he had plenty of time to make his own observations. The trend continued. There seemed to be a steady flow of male visitors who would leave typically within an hour.
Every time there is a noise in the hallway, we go bolting to the peephole to see who might be out there. It never fails. It's always a random man. There have even been a few repeat visitors. We take every opportunity to peak into their apartment via the sliding glass doors in the back. There is a partition up on one side and a sofa bed, I believe. The tv will often be on, but nobody is there watching. I never see them inside, so I can only deduce that they are in the bedroom!
I'm tempted to knock on the door one day and introduce myself. I'm afraid the new neighbor window will be closed soon. How am I supposed to gather more evidence to support my hypothesis?
Before I left for Australia, I commented to J that I thought they were prostitutes. He knows I enjoy making outlandish observations, but while I was in Australia, he had plenty of time to make his own observations. The trend continued. There seemed to be a steady flow of male visitors who would leave typically within an hour.
Every time there is a noise in the hallway, we go bolting to the peephole to see who might be out there. It never fails. It's always a random man. There have even been a few repeat visitors. We take every opportunity to peak into their apartment via the sliding glass doors in the back. There is a partition up on one side and a sofa bed, I believe. The tv will often be on, but nobody is there watching. I never see them inside, so I can only deduce that they are in the bedroom!
I'm tempted to knock on the door one day and introduce myself. I'm afraid the new neighbor window will be closed soon. How am I supposed to gather more evidence to support my hypothesis?
Thursday, August 13, 2009
dashed
I found out just now that I didn't get my supervisor's position. One of my old managers got the job. I'm just glad it was an old manager and not a co-worker. She's really good at what she does, so I'm sure I'll have plenty to learn from her. She won't start until the end of the month/beginning of next month probably, so all of fall hiring is still on my shoulders.
I guess this is for the best. I think getting away for a bit has refreshed me enough for me to stick with my job for awhile. Hopefully a raise is coming soon!
I guess this is for the best. I think getting away for a bit has refreshed me enough for me to stick with my job for awhile. Hopefully a raise is coming soon!
superman
Christina told me that whenever Audrey goes to the pool she recalls when I taught her how to do the "Superman." "Auntie HT taught me how to do this." It's just about the simplest thing you can do at the pool - push off the wall and stretch your arms out like you're flying a la the man with the "S" on his chest.
I was touched. Audrey was 4 and they still lived in Singapore. It was so long ago and I don't even really remember it, yet it has stayed with her. It's funny the things that stand out in our memories. I hope that moments from this past trip will stay with her as well. And I hope wonderful memories of me were created for little Marcus.
I was touched. Audrey was 4 and they still lived in Singapore. It was so long ago and I don't even really remember it, yet it has stayed with her. It's funny the things that stand out in our memories. I hope that moments from this past trip will stay with her as well. And I hope wonderful memories of me were created for little Marcus.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
back to life, back to reality
It's a little before 7 am. I leave Melbourne to head home in a few short hours. It is so sad to leave because I've had such a wonderful time here. Spending time with Audrey and Marcus (my cousin's children) has been such a joy. My cousin Christina and her husband CK watched me and my brother grow up and I only wish that we lived closer and could do the same with their children. Maybe we can, in our own way - probably mostly via photos and skype.
Christina and CK have been so generous with everything. They opened up their home to us and made sure we saw sights and ate to our heart's content. Christina and I also had a lot of good conversations - I learned about family history, the trials she experienced in her life, and even details unbeknownst to me about my mom. She's the oldest granddaughter of my grandmother's grandchildren and I'm the youngest. There is a 15 year age difference, yet she is one of my closest cousins.
Audrey and Marcus are such great kids. Audrey is a brilliant girl on the cusp of adolescence. It's a trying time for all involved and I hope that I can provide some counsel for her. She is not only smart, but participates in tons of activities as well and she no doubt has a good head on her shoulders. Marcus is a ball of energy who is also loving and sweet. One night in the car he whispered to me, "You are my best friend. I love you." His little accent is adorable. Yesterday when we dropped him off at school, he had a bit of a tantrum and kept asking his mom for more hugs and kisses. He also asked if I could stay and be a helper. That would have been so cute - all those little Aussie babies.
I will have more reflections on all of this. Right now I just have that feeling of missing them all already. :(
Christina and CK have been so generous with everything. They opened up their home to us and made sure we saw sights and ate to our heart's content. Christina and I also had a lot of good conversations - I learned about family history, the trials she experienced in her life, and even details unbeknownst to me about my mom. She's the oldest granddaughter of my grandmother's grandchildren and I'm the youngest. There is a 15 year age difference, yet she is one of my closest cousins.
Audrey and Marcus are such great kids. Audrey is a brilliant girl on the cusp of adolescence. It's a trying time for all involved and I hope that I can provide some counsel for her. She is not only smart, but participates in tons of activities as well and she no doubt has a good head on her shoulders. Marcus is a ball of energy who is also loving and sweet. One night in the car he whispered to me, "You are my best friend. I love you." His little accent is adorable. Yesterday when we dropped him off at school, he had a bit of a tantrum and kept asking his mom for more hugs and kisses. He also asked if I could stay and be a helper. That would have been so cute - all those little Aussie babies.
I will have more reflections on all of this. Right now I just have that feeling of missing them all already. :(
Sunday, August 02, 2009
Money Diary Abandoned...
So, I got a letter from the IRS that I owe $800+ for my 2007 taxes. Ick. I am not happy about that. With that, I am ending my money diaries right now.
I will find out whether I get the new position when I get back from Australia. Hopefully it'll be good news because I need some more money in my account.
Australia has been awesome. It's winter here, yet still so enjoyable. No wonder Aussies are such happy people!
I will find out whether I get the new position when I get back from Australia. Hopefully it'll be good news because I need some more money in my account.
Australia has been awesome. It's winter here, yet still so enjoyable. No wonder Aussies are such happy people!
Monday, July 20, 2009
Money Diary: Day 26
Early service at church. I brought a jar of mayonnaise that I got for free at Wegman's for the food drive.
After church, it was time to make the BBQ turkey meatloaf that I have been wanting to try. It's a recipe from the Neely's, who have a few BBQ restaurants in TN.
I had to go to the store and pick up some more turkey as well as a few other things - $12.08.
After preparing the meatloaf, I went to the pool.
A friend came over and there was more Settler's played. I won every game, which got kind of old after awhile. I still had fun though, and it was exactly the kind of low-key weekend I needed.
Money spent: $12.08
After church, it was time to make the BBQ turkey meatloaf that I have been wanting to try. It's a recipe from the Neely's, who have a few BBQ restaurants in TN.
I had to go to the store and pick up some more turkey as well as a few other things - $12.08.
After preparing the meatloaf, I went to the pool.
A friend came over and there was more Settler's played. I won every game, which got kind of old after awhile. I still had fun though, and it was exactly the kind of low-key weekend I needed.
Money spent: $12.08
Money Diary: Day 25
Went to help friends paint the interior of their condo. They got us all pizza. It was a giant pizza, so I was stuffed after one slice.
The rest of the evening included sitting on the couch watching television. It was a long week and it was time to just do nothing.
Money spent: $0
The rest of the evening included sitting on the couch watching television. It was a long week and it was time to just do nothing.
Money spent: $0
Money Diary: Day 24
Typical Friday...
After work, I stopped by P's house. Originally there were plans to go to Jazz in the Garden, but the rain clouds were a deterrent. Instead, J and I had dinner with R and R at an Indian restaurant. I used one of my restaurant.com gift certificates. Our meal was about $55, but we only ended up paying about $40 including the tip. I paid $19.10.
There was a long game on Settlers after dinner, in which I was triumphant. :)
Money spent: $19.10
After work, I stopped by P's house. Originally there were plans to go to Jazz in the Garden, but the rain clouds were a deterrent. Instead, J and I had dinner with R and R at an Indian restaurant. I used one of my restaurant.com gift certificates. Our meal was about $55, but we only ended up paying about $40 including the tip. I paid $19.10.
There was a long game on Settlers after dinner, in which I was triumphant. :)
Money spent: $19.10
Money Diary: Day 23
Breakfast at home, work, brought my lunch.
After work, I had to go get some things from Michael's for a lunch speaker series that I'm coordinating at work - $14.12. I also picked up a little travel journal for myself - $2.21.
J picked me up from work and we went to dinner at Sequoia. Blech. J paid. I will never eat there again. After dinner we went on a short boat ride on the Potomac River. It was a humid evening, so the breeze on the water was nice.
Money spent: $16.33
After work, I had to go get some things from Michael's for a lunch speaker series that I'm coordinating at work - $14.12. I also picked up a little travel journal for myself - $2.21.
J picked me up from work and we went to dinner at Sequoia. Blech. J paid. I will never eat there again. After dinner we went on a short boat ride on the Potomac River. It was a humid evening, so the breeze on the water was nice.
Money spent: $16.33
Money Diary: Day 22
I took the day off work. I picked up some Starbucks in the morning so as to indulge in the day off - $7.51. J had a surprise day planned for me, so I thought I could at least pick him up a beverage as well. After breakfast, we were off to the metro station. We ended up at the National Zoo (free admission!) and did a scavenger hunt printed off the zoo website. After the zoo, we went to Cubano's in Silver Spring. It is one of my favorites. I was wiped out all day, napping on the metro and such. It was probably close to 100 degrees that day, so I was glad to go home after being out in the heat. We ended up getting slurpees on the way home. I can't recall being as thirsty as I was at that moment - $2.54.
I was relatively full from lunch still, so dinner was skipped as I got ready for more a surprise to come. Tickets to "The Color Purple." The show was amazing. Fantasia was incredible. I think the role was made for her or vice versa. During the show, I started to get hungry. I decided we should go to Ben's Chili Bowl. Unfortunately, there was no parking to be found, so we go the food to go. J was not going to allow chili and cheese to be eaten in his car, so I had to wait the entire ride home in torture, with the smells taunting me, before indulging.
Money spent: $10.05
I was relatively full from lunch still, so dinner was skipped as I got ready for more a surprise to come. Tickets to "The Color Purple." The show was amazing. Fantasia was incredible. I think the role was made for her or vice versa. During the show, I started to get hungry. I decided we should go to Ben's Chili Bowl. Unfortunately, there was no parking to be found, so we go the food to go. J was not going to allow chili and cheese to be eaten in his car, so I had to wait the entire ride home in torture, with the smells taunting me, before indulging.
Money spent: $10.05
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Money Diary: Day 21
I had cereal at home for breakfast.
7:40 am: I got to work and had an awkward conversation with a higher-up at the office who will be assisting with interviews for the position that I applied for. She basically told me that she has heard about two great candidates for the position and that she'll find me a great supervisor. Um... does that mean that I don't have a chance anymore?
My supervisor's departure sparked hope that I could start doing something more challenging here and now there is the potential for discontent in my job. I most certainly do not like feeling that way. I really should be making more money.
12:00 pm: I have a salad for lunch - spinach and strawberries. I get a call from D asking if I want to go to Olive Garden with her and C. I decline because this is after I have totaled up how much money I spent over the weekend.
2:00 pm: I go find C and we go to McDonald's for a free 8 oz. iced mocha. It was a nice break. We have free coffee at work, but there is nothing like some whipped cream and chocalate syrup to make the day pass more quickly.
4:00 pm: I head home from work and make plans with E to go for a walk around Burke Lake after dinner. When I got home, I did a little scrapbooking and caught up with K on the phone.
6:00 pm: E made spaghetti squash for dinner.
7:00 pm: We got to Burke Lake and walked around the lake which took about an hour and 45 minutes. We had some pretty deep conversation, which I think was long overdue. I know we live together, but it's rare that we're home at the same time and of course, being in front of the boob tube isn't the best setting for any in-depth discussion.
Money spent: $0
7:40 am: I got to work and had an awkward conversation with a higher-up at the office who will be assisting with interviews for the position that I applied for. She basically told me that she has heard about two great candidates for the position and that she'll find me a great supervisor. Um... does that mean that I don't have a chance anymore?
My supervisor's departure sparked hope that I could start doing something more challenging here and now there is the potential for discontent in my job. I most certainly do not like feeling that way. I really should be making more money.
12:00 pm: I have a salad for lunch - spinach and strawberries. I get a call from D asking if I want to go to Olive Garden with her and C. I decline because this is after I have totaled up how much money I spent over the weekend.
2:00 pm: I go find C and we go to McDonald's for a free 8 oz. iced mocha. It was a nice break. We have free coffee at work, but there is nothing like some whipped cream and chocalate syrup to make the day pass more quickly.
4:00 pm: I head home from work and make plans with E to go for a walk around Burke Lake after dinner. When I got home, I did a little scrapbooking and caught up with K on the phone.
6:00 pm: E made spaghetti squash for dinner.
7:00 pm: We got to Burke Lake and walked around the lake which took about an hour and 45 minutes. We had some pretty deep conversation, which I think was long overdue. I know we live together, but it's rare that we're home at the same time and of course, being in front of the boob tube isn't the best setting for any in-depth discussion.
Money spent: $0
Monday, July 13, 2009
blank stares and confusion
Lately, I feel like I don't know how to react to anything because I am uncertain about my feelings. Different people in my life have different expectations of me and I find it difficult to make the necessary adjustments. I've been in situations where someone has been really excited about something in my life and I feel like I give it a completely blase reaction. I am not sure why that is because I see myself to be an animated, often excitable person.
Maybe it's the audience that determines my response. Perhaps I'm just all sorts of confused because ultimately you are supposed to present a certain self in any given situation yet I am unable to do so. I find it difficult because I think in all situations, I want to be the most authentic me that I can be. This is not always an option though because you need to maintain a calm, cool, collected demeanor - which I guess isn't exactly how I operate... I guess I'm just an awkward weirdo...
Maybe it's the audience that determines my response. Perhaps I'm just all sorts of confused because ultimately you are supposed to present a certain self in any given situation yet I am unable to do so. I find it difficult because I think in all situations, I want to be the most authentic me that I can be. This is not always an option though because you need to maintain a calm, cool, collected demeanor - which I guess isn't exactly how I operate... I guess I'm just an awkward weirdo...
Money Diary: Day 18, 19, 20
Friday: Had dinner at Moe's Southwest Grill, $13.17 after a $5 off coupon. After dinner, went to karaoke. Spent $20 there.
Saturday: Went to Eastern Market. Got a free slurpee from 7-11 for 7/11. Finally went to use my Groupon for $80 worth of services at Skin Beauty Lounge. Bought the Groupon for $40 (a couple weeks ago) and tipped the girl $20. She got wax in my hair and kind of messed up my eyebrows a little bit, but she was nice.
After that, I was starving and got some Popeye's for lunch - $7.14.
Had to put some money on my metro card - $10.
Ordered pizza for dinner - $14.69. I picked it up so I didn't have to tip :) and it was $2 off as well.
Stopped by at my friend's b-day party and then got a free slurpee afterwards.
Sunday: Worked out in the morning - a little yoga and all star workout courtesy of Fit Tv.
I attempted to run some errands, but was too tired and hot driving around in the car (no a/c can do that to you...). I saw gas for $2.33 so I decided that I shouldn't pass that up - spent about $14.50 filling up.
Time for groceries... I guess the last grocery store trip didn't really stock me with enough food for too long. I was starving once I got to Wegman's so I had to get something to tide me over or else I would just be really cranky. Got food from the hot food bar - $4.95.
Groceries - $59.45.
Money spent: $163.90
Saturday: Went to Eastern Market. Got a free slurpee from 7-11 for 7/11. Finally went to use my Groupon for $80 worth of services at Skin Beauty Lounge. Bought the Groupon for $40 (a couple weeks ago) and tipped the girl $20. She got wax in my hair and kind of messed up my eyebrows a little bit, but she was nice.
After that, I was starving and got some Popeye's for lunch - $7.14.
Had to put some money on my metro card - $10.
Ordered pizza for dinner - $14.69. I picked it up so I didn't have to tip :) and it was $2 off as well.
Stopped by at my friend's b-day party and then got a free slurpee afterwards.
Sunday: Worked out in the morning - a little yoga and all star workout courtesy of Fit Tv.
I attempted to run some errands, but was too tired and hot driving around in the car (no a/c can do that to you...). I saw gas for $2.33 so I decided that I shouldn't pass that up - spent about $14.50 filling up.
Time for groceries... I guess the last grocery store trip didn't really stock me with enough food for too long. I was starving once I got to Wegman's so I had to get something to tide me over or else I would just be really cranky. Got food from the hot food bar - $4.95.
Groceries - $59.45.
Money spent: $163.90
Friday, July 10, 2009
Money Diary: Day 17
7:30 am: I had a nectarine for breakfast and brought my leftovers from last to work for lunch.
12:00 pm: The crab burger was better the second time around. I usually taste the flavor of food more the day after. I hardly ever reheat leftovers. It's just not the same.
1:30 pm: I went to the bank to cash my rebate check. For some reason, it wouldn't let me deposit it in the ATM, which I guess is fine because I never have cash on me.
4:30 pm: I went to the post office on the way home from work to send a package, $11.95 - paid cash! :)
I guess my lunch was pretty filling because I didn't really have much of a dinner. I made some raspberry lemonade and heated up some crab legs. I caught up on yesterday's "SYTYCD" and then watched the results show. I was disappointed to see that my favorite girl dancer (besides Melissa), got kicked off. :(
During this time, I was also playing a lovely game of Settlers. The game goes a lot faster with two people and was still rather enjoyable, if only because of the smack-talking.
Money spent: $11.95
12:00 pm: The crab burger was better the second time around. I usually taste the flavor of food more the day after. I hardly ever reheat leftovers. It's just not the same.
1:30 pm: I went to the bank to cash my rebate check. For some reason, it wouldn't let me deposit it in the ATM, which I guess is fine because I never have cash on me.
4:30 pm: I went to the post office on the way home from work to send a package, $11.95 - paid cash! :)
I guess my lunch was pretty filling because I didn't really have much of a dinner. I made some raspberry lemonade and heated up some crab legs. I caught up on yesterday's "SYTYCD" and then watched the results show. I was disappointed to see that my favorite girl dancer (besides Melissa), got kicked off. :(
During this time, I was also playing a lovely game of Settlers. The game goes a lot faster with two people and was still rather enjoyable, if only because of the smack-talking.
Money spent: $11.95
Wednesday, July 08, 2009
That's what Friends are for...
From the examples that I have around me, it appears that girls are more likely to join their boyfriend's social circle than the other way around. I was talking with P about how my friends are kind of lackluster with hanging out lately. I think it's because they aren't necessarily friends with one another, so there isn't that motivation for the whole group to get together. The last time I had a "circle of friends" was when I lived in Boston. I'm only friends with two of those girls now. It's kind of disgusting how cattiness and backstabbing arises in those friendships and also sad how those friends you felt so close to can fall to the wayside.
I have a hodge podge collection of close friends - from middle school, college, and Boston and San Diego. My friends have their own friends and social networks, so I mostly find myself hanging with them in one on one situations. This is quite unfortunate because sometimes you need a group to do certain things like, play Settlers, or go to karaoke.
I miss having a circle of friends, despite the issues that came up in the past. But there is something unsettling about just being swept up in someone else's social circle, so I'm resisting it at the moment. I'm not the type to force my way into any group. Maybe I feel that it is intrusive or desperate.
This is what P had to say:
"it's funny.. i think it's harder for guys to make friends, so they stick together
and girlfriends become friends, usually it's the guys who are the core"
When P was dating her last boyfriend, his friend circle was in Texas, so there wasn't really any immersion. Her current boyfriend is a friend of one of her friends, so they kind of have an insta-group there. Recently, D was sucked in to some sort of male friend circle, and other guys within that group were trying to get her to set them up. I guess it makes sense, building those types of bridges, but it could get hairy too.
Ideally, it would be nice to strike a balance with friend groups in a relationship, but with certain personalities, attitudes etc. it just ain't going to happen. I think guys tend to hang out with other guys that are superficially similar to them, whereas girls maybe have friends that they relate to on a more emotional level, but on the surface they don't have a lot in common. I don't know. I probably don't have enough evidence to back this up.
J actually has a lot more friends than I do. His friends are also a whole lot more reliable to make the effort to hang out as well. My friends either have jam-packed schedules or they are just flakey. I think nowadays I'm just coercing whoever is available to get falafel with me or go to the pool. I think I'm much more driven by new activities or food, rather than people. Eh... I do amuse myself... maybe I can amuse you too.
I have a hodge podge collection of close friends - from middle school, college, and Boston and San Diego. My friends have their own friends and social networks, so I mostly find myself hanging with them in one on one situations. This is quite unfortunate because sometimes you need a group to do certain things like, play Settlers, or go to karaoke.
I miss having a circle of friends, despite the issues that came up in the past. But there is something unsettling about just being swept up in someone else's social circle, so I'm resisting it at the moment. I'm not the type to force my way into any group. Maybe I feel that it is intrusive or desperate.
This is what P had to say:
"it's funny.. i think it's harder for guys to make friends, so they stick together
and girlfriends become friends, usually it's the guys who are the core"
When P was dating her last boyfriend, his friend circle was in Texas, so there wasn't really any immersion. Her current boyfriend is a friend of one of her friends, so they kind of have an insta-group there. Recently, D was sucked in to some sort of male friend circle, and other guys within that group were trying to get her to set them up. I guess it makes sense, building those types of bridges, but it could get hairy too.
Ideally, it would be nice to strike a balance with friend groups in a relationship, but with certain personalities, attitudes etc. it just ain't going to happen. I think guys tend to hang out with other guys that are superficially similar to them, whereas girls maybe have friends that they relate to on a more emotional level, but on the surface they don't have a lot in common. I don't know. I probably don't have enough evidence to back this up.
J actually has a lot more friends than I do. His friends are also a whole lot more reliable to make the effort to hang out as well. My friends either have jam-packed schedules or they are just flakey. I think nowadays I'm just coercing whoever is available to get falafel with me or go to the pool. I think I'm much more driven by new activities or food, rather than people. Eh... I do amuse myself... maybe I can amuse you too.
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