That's what Friends are for...

From the examples that I have around me, it appears that girls are more likely to join their boyfriend's social circle than the other way around. I was talking with P about how my friends are kind of lackluster with hanging out lately. I think it's because they aren't necessarily friends with one another, so there isn't that motivation for the whole group to get together. The last time I had a "circle of friends" was when I lived in Boston. I'm only friends with two of those girls now. It's kind of disgusting how cattiness and backstabbing arises in those friendships and also sad how those friends you felt so close to can fall to the wayside.

I have a hodge podge collection of close friends - from middle school, college, and Boston and San Diego. My friends have their own friends and social networks, so I mostly find myself hanging with them in one on one situations. This is quite unfortunate because sometimes you need a group to do certain things like, play Settlers, or go to karaoke.

I miss having a circle of friends, despite the issues that came up in the past. But there is something unsettling about just being swept up in someone else's social circle, so I'm resisting it at the moment. I'm not the type to force my way into any group. Maybe I feel that it is intrusive or desperate.

This is what P had to say:

"it's funny.. i think it's harder for guys to make friends, so they stick together
and girlfriends become friends, usually it's the guys who are the core"

When P was dating her last boyfriend, his friend circle was in Texas, so there wasn't really any immersion. Her current boyfriend is a friend of one of her friends, so they kind of have an insta-group there. Recently, D was sucked in to some sort of male friend circle, and other guys within that group were trying to get her to set them up. I guess it makes sense, building those types of bridges, but it could get hairy too.

Ideally, it would be nice to strike a balance with friend groups in a relationship, but with certain personalities, attitudes etc. it just ain't going to happen. I think guys tend to hang out with other guys that are superficially similar to them, whereas girls maybe have friends that they relate to on a more emotional level, but on the surface they don't have a lot in common. I don't know. I probably don't have enough evidence to back this up.

J actually has a lot more friends than I do. His friends are also a whole lot more reliable to make the effort to hang out as well. My friends either have jam-packed schedules or they are just flakey. I think nowadays I'm just coercing whoever is available to get falafel with me or go to the pool. I think I'm much more driven by new activities or food, rather than people. Eh... I do amuse myself... maybe I can amuse you too.