power struggles

We always talk about who wears the pants in the relationship. The ideal situation is for there to be a balance or even distribution of power. Unfortunately, this is not the case in all relationships. Roomie and I sought to determine the factors of power in romantic relationships. We came up with four factors that are all equally-weighted. A point is given to whichever individual holds the power in each given factor, and the one who gets the most points, holds the most power (we did give half points in situations which the factor in question was inconclusive). We even plugged in different couples that we know in order to test whether our theory held any weight. Now, this isn't exactly scientific method since we are only observers of relationships and do not know all the nitty-gritty details and power can and often does shift in the course of a relationship, but I think we did a pretty good job - see if you agree.

Factor 1: The Pursuer
The one doing the chasing has less power because they are first to open themselves up to be vulnerable. In their pursuit, they are giving the pursuited the option of whether or not to accept their affections.

Factor 2: Attractiveness
The one who is more attractive has more power because they are more appealing to the opposite sex and have greater potential to get another mate.

Factor 3: The Decisionmaker
The person who determines the course of a relationship has more power. The main decisionmaker can convince their mate that what they want is ultimately what is best for the relationship, even if the other person is unhappy with the decision. The unhappy party will succumb to the other party in order to keep the peace and their mate.

Factor 4: Need
In a healthy relationship, this factor eventually becomes very balanced as each person becomes more dependent on the other for sexual, emotional, financial fulfillment, so this is the factor that is least cut and dry. I think the question that has to be asked is, "who would be worse off if the relationship ended?"