can someone else do it...

I hate making decisions. It isn't really how I anticipated starting my summer. I've been out of work for roughly a week and it has been a lot of fun. I've seen most of my friends, entertained visitors, spied on a blind date, stayed up all night in New York, and then some... Now I am coming off of that whirlwind, letting the excitement simmer down and settle.

I have to start thinking about what I want to do with the rest of my summer, what I am going to do in the fall, and how I will cope financially for the upcoming year. Have I mentioned that roomie is in fact, not moving to New York? HUGE WEIGHT lifted off my shoulders and let's be honest, the ballet academy took too much out of us for us to truly enjoy our wonderful living situation. I am thrilled to continue living with her.

Anyway, in about two weeks, I have to either go back to work at the ballet academy or I can get on a plane and face the unknown of New Orleans (that is, if they want me... I find out next week). The New Orleans AmeriCorps program I applied for is eight weeks, while work at the ballet academy would only be six weeks. I am also taking quite a pay cut and essentially throwing job security for the following year out the window. I don't know how much of a sacrifice that is, considering I don't love working at the ballet academy anyway.

If I do go to New Orleans, I am missing out on a summer with all my nearest and dearest and I will have to find a job upon my return - a job that will pay me at least as much as the ballet academy (which in theory, shouldn't be too difficult to find). Then I start my grad program! New Job? Grad Program? It's a little overwhelming. I am hoping for a grad assistantship so that I can get a break on tuition because I already have loans to deal with. I will only have a few weeks in August to get all that sorted out. If I continue working at the ballet academy, I might just be signing up for another year of misery.

I am not sure what to do because I am not certain whether I am capable of juggling so many things at once. I often need time alone to recharge and work through my mental processes. Who knows if I will have time to do that next year or if it's going to be go-go-go 24/7? I am having one of those moments right now while I'm at my mom's. It's a bit of a retreat because I can avoid reality and responsibility a little bit and watch some MNT soccer. The chaos of this environment gives me a great excuse to be unproductive (and not shower).

I think my mind is already made up. I've discussed with some friends and my mom. So, I guess we just have to see whether AmeriCorps wants me in New Orleans or not. And we have to see if they can give me good terms for my stay there... hmmm... I would ALSO like to find out if I got any of the scholarships that I applied for. That would be a big help. *sigh* When is it all going to fall into place?