agreeing to disagree

I don't think it's possible that two people can agree with one another 100% of the time. Relationships, though I would say are built on similarities, are nurtured by the friction of differences. They grow from the challenge of compromising or accepting opposing ideals. Growth comes from opening your mind, heart and life to things that we may not understand or even want to understand. Even when we can't grasp someone else's decisions or actions, if we really value them, we can see the beauty or the authenticity in how they live their life. It is when one person decides to not compromise, not accept, and not understand that a relationship begins to die.

I've witnessed many scenarios of people poo-pooing on others without attempting to understand the other person's lot. I remember when I lived with A and F. F had a real job and made probably close to four times what A and I were making and could clearly spend more freely than A and me. A would comment about F's spending habits and fail to consider how generous F was with us. F is one of the most generous people I know, always giving and generally not asking for much in return. F and A never were very close, nor ever became close even though the three of us shared an apartment for an entire year.

I'm not friends with A anymore and I'm sure that both of us contributed to the death of our relationship. I can remember one evening when I didn't feel like going out to carouse with her and she made a huge fuss over it. When I started dating someone, it caused a rift as well. She wasn't accepting nor understanding of our differences and I think it was partially lack of relationship experience on her part. Because she hadn't had many (any?) romantic relationships, she felt like I was abandoning her when I spent time with my boyfriend at the time.

I know I've caused some relationships to die, some are probably dying as I write this. I think sometimes the tradedy of it all boils down to seeing someone change for the worse, seeing someone discard their values, perhaps seeing someone lose a sense of who they are or who you thought they were. Or maybe they are just coming into their own, becoming the person who they are destined to be, becoming a person whose values are out of sync with your own, ultimately, someone who you can no longer respect.