I don't like pity when it comes to really serious matters. I don't even tell people about some of the more serious issues in my life because I don't want to be consoled, at least I don't think I do. I don't really know how I would want anyone to respond. I am typically not capable of dealing with problems in the moment. It takes solitude and time in order for me to process and I guess I find it easier to make a joke out of some things. But, there are some situations that aren't funny by any stretch of the imagination. Everything always comes to a head and we realize that we don't have all the time in the world.
I downplay any "drama" that has occurred in my life. Nervous laughter is my most common response when people tell me something sad. I feel awkward before I feel sympathetic. I don't even think my means of cheering up is orthodox. I'm an avoider. It's easier to just not say anything because then maybe the problem is not real.
So, yeah... something sort of huge is weighing on me. I feel helpless in the situation and horrible that I am not doing anything proactive about it. It's not on my mind a whole lot, which in itself makes me feel guilty, only every now and then it strikes me and maybe there is a fleeting flash of sadness in my eyes, but I don't dwell on it. If I think about it too long, I am plagued with the "what ifs" and those questions are too hard to answer.
