Quitting...

I won't be able to work part-time at the Beacon House because it won't work with my full-time job at the Kirov Academy.

Alexis, a third grader who I met on Tuesday came up to me and told me she would be in my class. I then had to tell her that I wouldn't be working there anymore. Later in the day she came up to me and held my hand and asked "Why won't you be working here?" *tear*

I read with Armonte and Marquis, sixth and seventh grade brothers, sons of Keema (ex-co-worker). First of all, Armonte is the cutest little boy ever and just so sweet and all smiles. He is also very bright. Marquis was a great kid too. They were both so willing and eager to read with me while their mom was working. When we were cleaning up after Back to School Night Armonte came and helped. He loves me.

As I was leaving, Ms. Parker, an older lady who was setting up snacks for back to school night, told me to be careful and to keep my keys in my hand. It just really made me feel like a part of a community, part of a family. I just feel like all the walls were already down, that they had already made a place for this strange, conservatively dressed Chinese girl.

Yeah, so I cried twice today... oh wait, right now makes three times. The first time was with my supervisors at the ballet academy and the second time was when I had to tell the director at the Beacon House that I had to quit. Its hard because I know I made it seem like I didn't have the heart for the ballet academy and I know I do. I am at training on the verge of tears because I know that these children I encounter are on the verge of greatness. There is so much beauty and struggle in their lives and I feel privileged to be in their presence.

I just put my finger on an aspect of my sadness about quitting at the Beacon House. When Franny started working at LJCDS she expressed a feeling of selling out. Perhaps it is just hard for some of us to accept being paid a salary. Wait... noooooo, I am worth waaaay more than the ballet academy is paying me. Perhaps we struggle with the fact that we aren't serving the disadvantaged. I guess we just have to keep in mind that we are still serving children, the future - helping to mold these young minds. Ultimately, I think that it is children that we love. The lives that we touch are still precious and we can still build great relationships and foundations with them. Yeah... I'm helping to make ballerinas! Yeah... something like that.